An Explanation -or- You Probably Think This Post Is About You

FOREWARD: If you want the full experience you have to click links and listen to music and pay attention to lyrics and read and shit like that.

If you don't wanna do any of that...byeeeeeeeeeeeee

If you do, HI!. Welcome to me.
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Intro theme song for this:

One of my facebook posts from last weekend:

I have so many things to say and it hurts to not really be able to

The replies and comments:

• Are you ok? *
• Here, try this [insert self-care advice and/or creative outlets]
• Start blogging again!
• We're here for you.
• Call me if you need to talk.

....and then the family gossip that my mom told me about. 

Because they check in with her instead of talking with me about it directly, but that’s another story for another time. **

Let’s be real - do you think that I’m the type of person to put out a call for serious help on fucking facebook? I know how to use a goddamn phone AND how to reach you in case of any sort of real emergency.

I’ve vented there, yes.

I’ve looked for attention there, yes. 
Isn't that what it's there for? The giving and receiving of attention.

I’ve somewhat opened up about certain feels there once or twice, sure. Who hasn't? There are a lot of us going through the same stuff and when we find each other relatable in low times it really is so comforting.

We’re all a bit hypersensitive and moody AF in these years, and I do appreciate you reaching out, those of you who did. You are the wind beneath my wings.

But SO MANY times, I’ve bottled up super hilarious quips and insanely ridiculous comments, too. Usually because having to explain it sucks the funny out and by then they’ve probably missed their moments, or it would take 20mins to explain and would only make sense to me anyway.

It’s called a filter. Some of you have them, too.

Others don’t…you cheeky bastards.

Let me put it to you another way.

I read this article years ago about popcorn brain. Google it.

Go ahead – I’ll give you a minute…don't be lazy. Just do it.

So, after the last 20+years living the majority of my life online, when I’m in conversations with people out in the “meat world”, and especially after a few drinks, and with you all on my phone and so accessible due to the loveliest of all inventions: Social Media…I tend to pop off at the mouth occasionally when I can’t contain ALL the bottlenecked thoughts that are rattling around the old noggin.

When I popped off last Saturday, I was in a fiiiiiiiine place which was almost entirely full of face hurting laughter and running into interesting characters. I have witnesses.

I’ll end this with 3 things:

•        Because my ramblings tend to take more than anyone really wants to read on facebook***
•        Because some of you have been poking me about this for a while 
•        Because I know it’ll help me to have this outlet which, who fuckin’ knows, might also help some of you.

I’m rebooting/reigniting my blog.

*dammit, I really wish my name were Annie now

**except you Deb. Thank you. Was nice chatting with you. and I don't blame them, cuz Janet kinda really fuckin' rules.

***it makes for good toilet reading in the morning

Outro theme song for this:


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No. These Are NOT Clemson Logos.

For the past few months I've been thinkin' about a little tribute to my orange kids, Snoop & Turk.

 It felt funny to even ask Freak for cat paws because he does some really nice work that's a lot more detailed.  He did my feet that one time.  And we're talking about doing something to fill in some space on my back.

Anyway, while these are mainly for my boys, it occurred to me that the timing was pretty much purrrrrrrrfect (*groan*) since also working on "Cat On A Hot Tin Roof".

And this picture taken just after they were done makes me laugh cuz it looks suicidal.

You Can't Spell "Theatre" Without "The"

When Matthew & I were first starting out, he'd come over to my apartment & was checking out my dvd collection and pointed at the musicals stash and said, "What's that about? Were you in those or something?"

It's funny how much I've been thinking about that question recently.  Dammit, he's so good at that and he doesn't even MEAN to be.

In, maybe 3rd grade?, we read a play and I loved everything about it, the way it was formatted, that it took multiple people to read it out loud....etc.  So, I wrote my own starring the Christmas tree and my brother.  The tree spoke with flickering lights I'd blink on and off while doing voice over from underneath it while my brother played his part standing next to the tree.  If you ask her, my mother will not remember this happening.

We did some plays and puppet shows in church, but during high school, I missed out on any sort of drama club because it was either unavailable or I was already working and didn't have time for extra-curricular activities.
Luckily, that's the only thing I'd ever really say, "If I had to do it over again..." for.
Apopka High School did two productions while I was there, Our Town (yes, I cried) and Show Boat which had the most impressive stage boat set I'd ever seen.  That fucker was two stories and REVOLVED in 2 separate pieces so the outside of the boat was one set and the inside of it another.

My grandparents owned a music store when we were growing up and were into musicals, so The Music Man and The Sound of Music were annual staples and I was obsessed with one of my grandmother's music boxes that had a couple dancing while a Phantom of The Opera song played.
Maybe it's a genetic thing that I'm a musicals fan.  My favorite is when someone says they "hate muscials" but can then sing along to most songs in the movie versions.
Like my mom says that she hates musicals (...or just most things...) but then knows all the songs from Fiddler On The Roof, or Porgy and Bess, or 7 Brides For 7 Brothers.

Rent and Ragtime are probably my two freakin' favorites and Chicago would be the show I'd almost certainly die to be in.
Perhaps in another life.

Last week, I teased a little about being over at Mad Cow.

About a month ago and after a few weeks of bugging the Production Manager, and email bombing the overhire program alias, I received a reply asking if I'd be interested in being a Stage Manager for some upcoming shows. (there were a lot of strange high pitched happy noises that followed simply due to receiving a reply)  My response to them included the fact that I'd be starting out completely green and that it would be better for me to jump into an Assistant Stage Manager position first so I could eat everyone's brains and gain their knowledge.
After doing some homework, what I liked about this was that it paralleled my old gig as a Sales Associate/Inside Sales Support but instead of a District Manager, I now have a director.  Instead of a sales team, there's a cast of actors.  Instead of the operations team, there are the production teams.  There was a slight sense of familiarity making it not completely feel like I'd be a mermaid out of water.
So, for the past couple of weeks, I've been playing the role of Assistant Stage Manager for Tennessee Williams' "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof".

As soon as I found out which show I'd be working, it was time for more homework.
First, was a viewing of the Liz Taylor/Paul Newman/Burl Ives 1958 movie version.
Then I found out that Tennessee Williams hated that flick, so I went over to YouTube and found a Jessica Lange/Tommy Lee Jones/Rip Torn 1984 PBS version...which was pretty stinkin' great.
The father/son relationships and struggles being a strong and common theme, I told Matthew that his freakin' family was ripe for a Tennessee Williams play. If Mick is reading this, I'm sure he'd agree.
My next round of homework is more research on Tennessee Williams and to read a book one of our actors wrote.

Will keep you guys posted as we go.

The show opens Friday 3/21 and runs until Sunday 4/20.

KAREN:     If you need me...I'll just be...uh....down at The Theatre.
(...cue strange high pitched happy noises.)

CURTAIN

A First Friday

As mentioned in yesterday's ramblings, I'm unemployed....was RIF'd back in July.
Here's a cute little throw back in case we wanna reminisce.

There's a funny thing about being in sales.
It's called a 'sales cycle'.
Everything is measured on a quarterly basis and due to this, for some odd reason (*cough* quotas) everyone decides to wait until the last month of every quarter (or every third month, for you yearly calendar folks) to push mega hard, and give discounts, and draw-up endless revisions of contracts & spreadsheets, and have war room concalls, and wait around for signatures in the lobbies of corporate offices, and do everything they frantically can to pull in at the very last minute whatever big elephant deal they might be working on....

And usually all of this is going on within the last 2-3 weeks of that magical beast of a third month.
As if that magical beast of a third month were somehow unexpectedly sneaking up on everyone.

And all the field reps you support are doing all the same cram-it-in things all at the same time.
And your regular 40-50hr work week turns into an 80hr work week for at least 2 weeks in a row.
Every. Third. Month.

And on the last Friday of each quarter....
It's like Christmas with none of the fun stuff.
Because we'd all be staying up late, glued to our laptops til 2 or 3 or 4a.m. babysitting those big elephant deals because they'd just come in that afternoon and they're complex in backend paperwork and everything has to match up just so for processing....
And there'd be emergency fire drill concalls with teams of management at 1a.m. and additional confirmations needed via email or someone forgot to click a checkbox in some system and everyone that's ever been associated with the big elephant deal is asking you if it's booked yet....
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"

And in the past 10yrs, this is the first Friday at the End of The Quarter that I don't have to do ANY of that.

Tonight, I'm pouring one out for my corporate homies that kick so much ass.

______________________

PS. If you're reading this and you know who I'm talking about when I say "Sales Associate", hug them, send them flowers, liquor, beer, strippers, buy them a car. They take really good care of you and do their best for you and, at times, get little in return.

What I've Learned From The Summer of Karen

So I've been unemployed since July.
Most popular question I've been asked is "How's the Summer of Karen going?" followed up by "What are you doing with all of your time?"
Answers range from "Great" to "Anything I fuckin' want!!"
I think most recently, when Clint asked how it was going, my response was a giant all-teeth grin with a thumbs up.

Here are the top 10 things I've learned since being unemployed:

1. It's so easy to forget what day it is. You know how they have those day of the week floor mats in the elevators on cruise ships that change from day to day like the day of the week underpants? We need those. Or underpants. Thanks, Willie, for usually hitting me up on Hoops Day to remind me of where we are in the week.

2. I thought I'd be able to keep up with the cleaning more. It works when Matthew's on work trips. Not so much when he's home. But the fact remains; it's still my least favorite thing to do.

3. Resume writing and going through career services is an 8hr gig in and of itself.  And it usually makes me cranky. Selling myself & talking me up is weird. But I've learned that I'm professionally & soberly introverted but socially & drunkenly extroverted. Maybe I just need to write my resume while intoxicated with friends. It would be easier that way and would give me a good starting point to go back and clean up while sober.

4. Schedules and deadlines.  One of the first things I did was give myself a chore chart (I think that's ultimately my mother's fault. We knew it was summer when the mega weekly chore charts came out). I stick to it most weeks. I need to do up a schedule and deadlines for my Creative Department & Career Services areas. Not so good at those aspects. Plus, video games sneak in there unscheduled. Then there's the random pop-ups playing taxi, lunch dates, webinars, happy hours, etc that I just can't help. Those random pop-ups have always made sticking to a schedule difficult for me.
If I could turn what I want to accomplish in a day/week/month/year into an infographic....I bet that would help me focus on schedules and deadlines. I like charts and graphs.
I feel an experiment coming on.

5. Sleeping in is impossible. I feel obligated to wake up with Matthew and help with breakfast & coffee. Plus, the lawn maintenance dudes get going early every Thursday, and the trash guys every Tuesday and Friday, and Snoop's usually paw-patting my face or lickin' my nose because he's hungry. I can count on one hand how many late nights during the week I've had, so it really doesn't matter about sleeping in. That's what afternoon naps are for and those are heavenly.

6. If you have a Summer list of outside things to do - put that shit off 'til the weather gets cooler. I'd intended to clean up porches & decks and all kinds of outside projects, but between the heat and the flooding rains....fuck that noise.

7. Everyone thinks you're doing nothing with your time, so when they ask, ramble off all the things you are doing in one big long run-on sentence that makes them feel tired by the time you've hit the end of the list and are taking a breath.

8. There is almost nothing to bitch about anymore.  I think the only things I complain about are how many times in a week I have to vacuum or clean out the cats' shit box.  So, I go to Facebook just to see what you guys are bitching about. And to make sure I'm not missing any important Miley Cyrus***/gun control/national debt news.

9. My dream job would be to be paid to travel around the world and document adventures between my favorite video game releases while watching youtube videos or creating them based on whatever random thing I'm building at the moment. And they'd reimburse my banjo lesson...no banjo CAMP tuition.  But now, thanks to Obama-care.....

10. The other night, I had a dream that I was in some big ol' Hogwarts lookin' school and was walking down a library corridor. It was dark with the smell* of musty books and we (there are always other people with me) were looking for ghosts. Suddenly, appearing in front of me was a porcelain doll faced girl, with her hair up & spiked out, all geisha-esque.....but she had the body of some fucked up caterpillar.** I reached out a hand toward her and was all "she ain't real..." and then that bitch bit the side of my hand with jagged little scary teeth. I jerked my hand away real quick....
Meanwhile, in real-life, while sleeping in our comfy bed, when I jerked my hand away from the caterpillar geisha ghost in my dream, I ended up accidentally swattin' Matthew in the balls.
This isn't really something I've learned....I just like giving treats to you at the end.
_____________________________
*I'm lyin' here. I can't smell things in dreams.
**From playing so much Saints Row 4 near the rifts, I'm positive.
***Have we established yet that she's only got the one photo pose??

YouTubesday - My Shaytards Fascination

Remember when I told you about my family falling apart and said that it would lead into next weekend's confession?  Well, I've bumped it up to Tuesday cuz it fits.
Anyway, right around the same time as all that crap, my YouTube palate started defining itself.
I've talked about that before & in that rambling, I linked this video:

For the past 5 years, that family has done a daily vlog. Most of them are about 20mins long and he, Shay, edits together their Christmas footage into an hour long "Christmas Special".
It's a 20min window into another family's daily life.
And it's all the fun happy moments captured (except when their old dog, Malachi, passed...that was sad). But they include the random daily silly stuff that happens, like this, and then just this past weekend they were on Jimmy Kimmel because of this:

And yes, I've been watching them for that long.
And yeah, I'll admit that it's kinda weird - to watch a family on the webbernets. But they look happy and functional and I watch them because they restore a bit of hope for people/families and it's an awesome thought to be able to edit out the shit you don't wanna see. Plus, I selfishly wish my NJ cousins & Breeder friends would start recording and editing together their own little windows of their daily lives so I could watch them all grow up online and see the silly stories I only hear about when we're able to get together or those they occasionally post on Facebook.
It makes better reality tv than shit like The Kardashians or Honey BooBoo or whatever's currently sucking for entertainment on the cable channels we no longer have.

Aside from the Shaytards daily vlogs and the vids that Shay puts up on his channel, he's also involved in this kids cartoon series:

and has been working on this documentary where almost everyone cries in the trailer:


Lately Shay has been talking about his Mormon upbringing & experiences.
Some of it's interesting, some I don't agree with, but he's putting it out there. He's opening himself up to a broad audience and I have mad respect for anyone who's got the balls to do that and get conversations going.  Especially when it comes to complicated subjects that take people out of their comfort zones.

I love my little interweb family.
And, No...watching them does not make me want kids of our own.
My list of reasons to not birth any babies has only grown since watching them.
20mins is a lovely small dose and then I can click to see talking animals or watch someone play video games.

Sunday Confession - A Dissection of Emo

"...I certainly don’t want everyone just to admire it or approve of it without knowing why." - VanGogh on The Potato Eaters.

"Art with a story behind it is the best kind, silly." - Martha M.

I made this 36x24 piece of whatever a few years back after my family fell apart. I treated it as an outlet for all the pent up crap being dealt with during this particular time in my life.
I've never really explained any of it in detail or have been comfortable enough to, but I've often thought about sharing it & how to go about doing so.
Time to nut up or shut up.
Plus, looking back at it - my style has changed a little and this looks like a kid did it.
Reckon that might've been my frame of mind at the time. Or maybe my style is just kid-like.
Not that my shit recently is great, or even good...it's not about that. It's about putting it out there.*
What if I died tomorrow and my family goes through all my crap and looks at this and they go all, "what the fuck is this?" on it and never know what it meant to me?

Right then...here we go:

The dollhouse torn into 4 parts: That's a B&W photo on cheap paper of the dollhouse my father's father built when I was a kidlet. Grew up with that house and there was a time when it was given to another family while I bounced around between apartments and whatnot. The house was returned to me about 5 years ago (a strange precursor to what happened a year later). Each torn piece represents a member in my immediate family. The upper left being my brother, me on the upper right (which is how our rooms were set up in the house we grew up in), my mother on the bottom left, and father on the bottom right. There's a round oil can stain on my father's section because he was a mechanic and antique boat restorer. My mom's section has cuts in it cuz she's a self-admitted emotional force and it amazes me that with so many fractures and cracks, she hasn't completely snapped. My brother's section is on fire with the bigger flame because he was in a wreck 8 years ago. The car he was in slid off of the road and into a tree, bursting into flames, killing both him and his friend that was driving. My section has the smaller fire - my brother's catching part of mine on fire....the flames a bit of a high-five between us.
My & my mother's sections have snippets of this song lining the edges.

The edges of the house are torn but being held together by a frayed and strained red yarn. Red for blood, of course, because we're family....& meaning that not even blood can really keep a family together.
Not when built upon an unstable foundation.

The Unstable Foundation: This area has a bit of a complicated meaning for it being such a simple shape. The instability under the house being a mix of sand and acrylic paint. It stems from my father coming out to my mother and I about 4 years ago. Their divorce followed shortly after but the house we grew up in was finally split and sold just earlier this year. My father has gone through a few boyfriends since the initial "outage" and we rarely speak. Mostly because when we do, I can't handle the dumb shit he says. Like the time he told me that if my brother had lived, none of this would've happened. Which is the other meaning for that section, for the sweeping & winding escape into the night sky, and because snippets of this song line the edges of that section and I imagine those words coming from my brother/me:


The Moon & Stars: Metaconfession: I have, what some would call, Pagan tendencies. Though the generic category label on society's filing cabinet for Belief Systems would have me under Agnostic....aspects of Paganism make a lot of sense to me. Balance & cycles. The moon is a Goddess symbol. The full moon has always been hopeful & comforting to me and along with her in the night sky, I included raised silver stars for an Orion and a dipper (or saucepan, as Kim B. would call it). Reminders that there are still things that...remain...***

And that about wraps things up.
For now.
Hope it wasn't too awkward and you feel like maybe you know me a little better.
If you have any thoughts or feelings or experiences to share, please...feel free.
If you have any shitty/nit-picky/snarky comments to make, please....also feel free because I've probably been lookin' for a reason to punch you in the crotch anyway.

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*plus it's a nice lead into next weekend's confession
***(I was going to put another word or three there, but "remain" seemed to be enough).

My Whole30 Experience

I write this on my 30th day of this program.
You see that?  NO ALCOHOL!!
For those of you that know us, that's the biggest challenge on this thing.
Matthew & I do enjoy our beer & shots & gettin' loud and rowdy.
It took going through the first week before I stopped listening for the sound of the shot glasses clinging together from the cabinet to the counter followed by the freezer door opening whenever Matthew got home.
That was our routine....from Thursday (the new Friday) night and we'd finish the bottle on Sunday.
Along with the beer or whatever we'd be drinkin' when we go out on weekends.  And Weds nights were usually spent at the Enzian with beer & a couple shots (y'know, to help with digestion).
At the very least, 5 days of professional drinking.

On behalf of my liver, I needed a break.
So, when Martha posted this link for Whole30 on facebook, I was saw it as a sign & perfect timing.
In this, I also needed Matt's help & knew both of us would benefit from it.
We'd both set and completely failed to meet a goal for March 2nd, so, like I said, the timing was perfect.

Matthew was not a fan of this Whole30 thing.  We actually got into a disagreement about it when I first pitched it - his knee-jerk reaction was to call it a Nazi Diet and he'd said how "not fun" it looked.
Mainly because of the No Alcohol thing.
Matthew's also a huge fan of chips and breads & peanut m&m's.
But since I gave going paleo a whirl almost a year ago, we'd already been cooking/eating well at home and really only needed to make & stick to a few adjustments.
1. No alcohol.
2. Going out to eat less.
3. Less snackin' on sugar & starchy carbs
Matthew finally warmed up to the idea of going through this and then...about a week into it, had to leave on a work trip to South by Southwest.
I knew that was going to be tough for him.  His favorite travel snack is, of course, peanut m&ms and there are such great bars and he'd be with colleagues, etc.
But we packed him up with a buncha cashews & pistachios and he loaded up on some Whole Foods once he got there and stayed strong when going out with the fellas.
Incredibly proud of him since he didn't really wanna do it to begin with.

Also, about a week in, he started thanking me for getting us to change things up.

The first thing I noticed right off the bat was that sleeping was AWESOME!!
I sleep so freakin' good now, it's insane.
The only time I do wake up is to pee because of the water I drink during the day.
Before, I'd wake up at least once and not be able to go back to sleep for 30mins to an hour.
After only a few days, I was sleeping through the whole night and so deeply, I wouldn't hear Matt get up for the gym at all.  And getting out of bed was way easier because I was actually well rested.

My head started to clear, too....which was one of the reasons for how poorly I'd been sleeping before.
I'd start thinkin' about shit and my head just wouldn't shut up.
Or I'd get overwhelmed by my thoughts throughout the day, have too much going on at once, totally disheveled and disorganized.
It was kinda funny to notice that the more my head started to clear, the more I also started to unclutter my surroundings.
My Lair is cleaned up and more organized.
The kitchen, too.
Next to tackle...the closets.
I attribute some of these feelings to Spring as well, since it is spring cleaning season.

I must confess I broke the last rule and weighed myself periodically.  Matt, too.
He said he's lost about 25lbs since we started.
I've lost about 16lbs.
Matt's still hitting the gym.
I haven't at all.  Maybe a walk in the neighborhood here and there, but no new routine at all.
I wanted to focus solely on the food changes before tackling the physical exertion that can mess with what you consume (duh, working out makes you eat more, let me find my base again first).

With that, we both also noticed that our stinky b.o. had changed.  It was far less funky when Matthew came home from the gym.  He doesn't smell like the varsity football locker room anymore & doesn't bitch about how all of his gym clothes stink as soon as he puts'em on after they've been through the laundry.
And my pits don't smell like onions anymore if I miss a day of deodorant (don't judge me, I work from home).

OH!! One thing I feel the need to mention, for you ladies (good for you guys to pay attention to, too, if you know what's good for ya)....I had no cramps at all this month.  Mood swings were minimal (Matt wasn't around either, so that might've had somethin' to do with it - HA!!) and I didn't break out as much or feel like I needed to wear sweat pants for a week.  It came and went with no fanfare or smashing of things.  Was great!!

I didn't have any cravings at all, until this past weekend.  The weather was nice and we were at an old Mt. Dora joint where eating a sammich and drinkin' a beer woulda been heavenly.  And then afterwards, we walked through a Fresh Market and the smells in there were driving me batty.
I even went by the bakery just to fuck with myself.  But I stayed strong and the feelings subsided as soon as we got home.  We'd even put down some shredded coconut & skipped the coffee because there were artificial things in each.
I see it as an accomplishment - to not be tempted or have cravings until day 26?  That's pretty good.

And speakin' of coconut...I have seen heaven and it is made of coconut oil.
Anyone who doesn't like coconuts....I feel kinda bad for you because you really are missing out.
Maybe we can talk about coconut oil later.  It deserves its own blog.

We'll still continue to eat Whole30 at home and will make better choices when we're out, but we do have plans to go to Enzian tomorrow night and I would like a large Left Hand Milk Stout, please & thank you.
I'll give you a review on how I feel the following day because I'm sure I'll feel like shit & that'll be an interesting experiment in and of itself.
But I'd really like a stout.

Zombie Cat Brainstream

One of our lovely neighbors (& massive Snoop fan) gave us a cat calendar earlier this year.  We've got it pinned up over the trash can in the kitchen.
The other day (Friday, I think), I was in the kitchen eating a messy plum over the trash can and started staring at the calendar for snack-time entertainment.
Here's what it sounded like in my head for that moment.

"These cats are kinda creepy.  Look at those eyes.  What is that around their mouths?  Is that blood?  I bet its blood."

"It is blood.  Look at the mess on the black cat's face.  Clearly they're evil and are eyeballing me because I'm salty and they're waiting for me to not notice them so they can pounce and Matt will come home to find a half eaten me all over the floor and fat satisfied creepy ass cats with scary yellow eyes."

 "Oh...no, wait.  Its just that big ass watermelon making their mouths messy.  Would watermelon do that to fur?  Why would cats be eating watermelon?  Its not like they could spit the seeds out.........

.....Awhell...its September."

You Know You're Fat When -or- A Declaration

1. Your 'fat' jeans are tight.
2. You break a sweat trying on different outfits.
3. XL shirts don't hide the rolls.
4. Your tits muffin top.*
5. The spot where your thighs touch threaten to start a fire when you walk.
6. The spot where your thighs touch are the only hole worn in your 'fat' jeans that are now tight.
7. You look like a stack of mower tires from behind.
8. Your elbows are but mere dimples.
9. Your underwear rolls down when you sit.
10. Your shirt rolls up when you take it off.
11. An Englishman calls you the "softest bird" he's ever danced with.
12. You wear your husband's swim trunks to a waterpark.
13. You sunburnt your stretchmarks.
14. You stand in the mirror and see a more fit you underneath the fatsuit you're currently wearing.
15. All pictures with you in them, suck.

Seriously, you guys....I've been a horrible disappointment to myself over the past year or two, or three, or six.

I even told me so a couple weeks ago when I tried (and failed, yet again) to keep a weight loss journal**.

This one lasted for not even 2 weeks.

ARGH!!!

Back in November, I started actin' like I was going to tackle this thing for real and wanted to do a 365 photo/vlog project and blah blah blah.

That one lasted about 2 weeks, too.

I HATE THE TWO WEEK CYCLE!!

Why do I do that?

Why am I letting me down?

Pannacakes just recently told me she hit a goal and is treating herself with some junk from Amazon.

I have no goals.

I've never had any real goals.

I usually just say what I want and then later on (days, weeks, months, years) it happens, but its not like I have a goal set list.

So, here it is.

I'm saying it, outloud, to you and the rest of the universe:

I WANT TO LOSE 30LBS BY THE END OF 2012.

We have 7 months left of the year.

That's 28 weeks.

And that's roughly 2lbs per week (with an added little challenge thrown in)

Here's how I plan to do it.  (holy crap...is this a goal??)

• Gym 5 days a week.  Bonuses if I have dance class or other high movement-type outings.
• Knock off the beer consumption drastically.  If I have any, it'll be dark and heavenly and 2 is my cutoff.
• Cut out the carb intake.  No breads, pastas, noodles, or other baked goods.  Even whole wheat type crap.  This has worked for me before, why don't I go back to what works?
• Lean meats and veg.  Fruits in the a.m.  Nothing crazy or new here.
• No friggin' CHEESE.  This one's a bitch.  I fuckin' love cheese...BUT like I said, I've done it before.

Its just time for me to do this again.

I don't like the way I feel.  I don't need anyone to make it a competition.  I don't need to keep talking about it.

What I do need is encouragement, constant reminders, and to fuckin' DO IT ALREADY.

If you don't like something, change it, right?

Its time to fucking change things.

----------------------------------------------------

*I'm so not mad at this one.  It took me getting fat to even have tits.

**Written in the book Pannacakes got me that has a picture of a chihuahua dressed up like Michael Jackson on the cover.

Confession: David Copperfield Made Me Cry

Some of you may or may not be aware of my previous super powers.
There was another time, when I was about 13 or 14, I was captivated by David Copperfield flying on some tv special.
He made me believe that I could fly, too.
I remember laying flat on my back and wishing myself to fly so hard that I cried when I opened my eyes and saw that I wasn't hovering over my bedroom carpet.
Maybe it was because I wasn't wearing a billowy black sweatshirt with an audience full of applause and majestic music playing.



HAHA...kids are stupid.

The Coke Whore Gold Chain

One weekend, about 5 years ago, me and the girls (Pannacakes & Krackwhore) went to NYC for a May birthdays trip.

We went to see Fischerspooner at a club in Tribeca (which was killer) and afterwards found a bar to grab a seat and get loud and rowdy.
Or in Pannacake's case, angry & sleepy.

At one point, it was time for me to visit the ladies room and I went downstairs to see another girl waiting outside the bathroom door.
She rolled her eyes and said she'd been waiting a while - we knocked.
There came a raspy voiced, "Hold on a fucking minute!" from inside.
A few minutes later a drunk chick in a tight black dress and heels staggers out and starts talkin' shit to us, obviously upset we'd ruined her bathroom party.
I say obviously because once she staggered out, a gentleman, of about 65 or 70 with white anchorman hair and a pimp 'stache follows her.
He's wearing a black suit with a black mock turtleneck.
He also has white powder on his lapel.

Rockstar gramps, fo'sho.
In my head, I'm high-five-ing him & laughing my ass off.  In real life, I have a full bladder and hope this drunk hooker don't start a fight I gotta finish.
The girl that was waiting goes & comes out, we laugh about what we just saw, I go, bladder happy once again.

I return to my beer and my friends and tell them what transpired.
Pannacakes makes a monster noise, takes an angry swing at someone for waking her up, then puts her head back down.

Moments later, the drunk hooker staggers towards our table.  She holds out her hand and from it drops a gold neck chain.  She says, "Yo, I'm sorry for talkin' shit at you downstairs when you was just tryin'a take a piss.  As a sign of my apology, I would like you to have this.  Its a really nice necklace."
She drops it in my hand and wanders off to return to her gentleman booger sugar friend.

This is the necklace she gave me:

Not as OG as gramps.

I still have it - but probably not for long, which is why I'm telling its story and snappin' a photo of it.

Thinkin' about putting it towards some creative jewelry ideas.

Details on that some other time.

Sunday Confession - Internal Battle

I haven't been posting on here much recently.
My attentions and creative inspirations are currently focused elsewhere.
Getting ready for Christmas and trying to get the rest of the Craft It Forwards done before the year ends.
I just haven't had too much to say here.

I will admit that I'm in a constant internal battle with the things that I would really like to write here but haven't because it puts too much out there.
Things that would open me up & make me vulnerable.
Also, I think some of the ideas I've had for things to post kinda make me sound like an emo ass.

Here's an example:

A while back I posted a crappy photo of a piece that took me about 2 yrs to finish.
BBI & my friend, Martha, asked some questions about it and I was going to do a little diddy explaining the whole thing, but then realized that it was turning into somewhat of a therapy session.

How much of that type of shit do I really want to put out there?

I'm just not sure of how real to keep this or what you'd all care to hear.
Maybe I need to go back to just keeping up with this blog as something for myself instead of considering you turds all the time.

Most days it feels like no one's reading this anyway.
I mean, seriously.....The top 2 most hit Brainure posts are:

1. How To Make A Pillory (or Stockade)
2. For The Person Who Has Everything But Can't Breed

If that tells you anything.

So why do I blog?
Because I enjoy sharing things with you & hope that you also enjoy these little peeks into my noggin.
It makes me happy that I can bring my friends with me on vacations & crap via my phone, laptop, or ipad.  Its like you turds are with me all the time, no matter what part of the country/world we are.
Also, I figure when I'm a million years old, alone, and senile, I can look back on these with fond memories.

Blarf....I'm over-thinking again, aren't I?
I should just keep in mind the name of this thing and post everything that goes though my head with wreckless abandon.
Its not like I'll be running for president someday.

Florence + the Machine - Ceremonials

If I could be any one else in the whole world, I would want to be Florence.
Even though she doesn't ride rollercoasters.
The music she makes is rollercoasters enough.



There's something magical about the mix of her voice, the drums, the harp, the lyrics....that pulls on you emotionally.  Well, on me anyway.  I can't speak for you turds.
I listened to this first song, "Only If For A Night" and was in tears about half way through.
The song's about her dead grandmother visiting her in a dream and giving her advice.

But it isn't sadness that makes me teary eyed, its an overwhelming amazement & joy that her music (and music in general) can make such an impact on people and evoke such emotion.

I've posted before an excerpt from her website that sums it up perfectly.  Go check that out.

You know how artists who find their niche and particular sound, the music starts to kinda run together a bit and each song sounds a bit similar to the one before it?
Florence doesn't do that.
Yes, you can definitely tell its them, but there's no running together.
I was worried about that with this album...how could they top Lungs?

Well, I'm insanely happy to say, they've done it.

A Very Special Thanksgiving Special

We weren't feelin' up for more traveling (by plane, train, or automobile) this Thanksgiving, a bit under the weather with coughing and sneezings and ugh & whooped from being on the go non-stop for the past month.

So, today we stayed home and ate in waves.

First wave: Breffass Casserole (later deemed "breffass brownies" by Matthew)

Consisted of a rolled out pillsbury crescent roll in the bottom of a sprayed baking dish, cooked and crumbled jimmy dean reduced fat sausage on top of the crescent roll, cooked and crumbled thick cut low sodium bacon mixed into the sausage, 5 eggs scrambled with 1/3 cup of milk poured over the meat and bread, 2 slices of smoked provo & 2 slices of sharp cheddar broken into pieces and dropped into that shit in the baking dish.
Bake it forever on 350 until it looks like you wanna eat it (about 40mins).

Waves 2 & 2.5:  Cream Cheese with Cranberry Salsa and cinnamon/gingerbread pita chips, followed by ghetto baked brie on top of a slab of boar's head turkey, served with crackers & cranberry salsa.

Cranberry salsa is 1 bag of cranberries, 1 jalapeno, 1 bunch of green onions, 1 bunch of cilantro, 2 limes juiced, and 3/4 cup of sugar.  Throw all that shit into a culinary robot & viola, you got yerself some kickass cransalsa.
Ghetto baked brie is a wheel of brie sitting on top of a slab of turkey sitting on top of another pillsbury crescent roll with the edges of the bread all folded up and around the cheese and stuff.  Baked at 350 for a little while.

Wave 3: Sweet Potato Soup, Craisin/Walnut/Goat Cheese salad, boar's head turkey sammiches on home made italian herb bread (with baconnaise)

Sweet Potato soup recipe is here.
You're smart enough to figure out the salad and sammich yourself.

I'm thankful for my husband & my home.
And the cats.
And pork.
And cheese.
And rollercoasters.
And bouncehouses.


Matthew & Snoop are thankful for naps.

Sunday Confession - Dollhouse of Horrors

When I was a kid, my grandfather made this dollhouse for me. (ignore that 2009 project list.  I have.)

Over the past couple years, I've been slowly acquiring pieces parts and other accessories for the Dollhouse of Horrors.
Other folks are helping & contributing, as well.  My cousin, Deb, sent me some vampire miniatures and my friend, Willie, gave me a book for making my own stuff.
This weekend, I got myself somewhat organized and have a plan mapped out for what I want to do in each room.
Here's what the main portion of the house interior looks like.

There are another 3 rooms just under the roof, on top of these 2 floors.
One of those 3 rooms (the one with no windows) will be a vampire room.
This weekend, I took one of these:

And made it look like this:

So that's where we are currently.
Woopiefreakin'doo, right?
When I really get things going....I'll do more regular updates and shit.

Sunday Confession - Junk & Stuff

Remember these guys?
They used to look like this:

A week ago, the one on the right looked like this:

Now, they look like this.  The one on the left being not as impressive.  Once again, nature proves that the big ones aren't always the ones to impress us.  Its ok to root for the little guy.  haha....root....get it?

I think once the leaves show up, you're supposed to plant it in a pot or in the ground or something.  I should do that this week, maybe.

Here are some Halloween decorations we have up.

This is what Jason looks like from inside our upstairs hallway during the day:

And this is what he looks like at night from the outside looking up from the sidewalk:

And here's what our sunset looked like on Saturday night:

SC - I Can't Stop Laughing

plank safely.

Sunday Confession - I Do, Actually...

TT - This Would Be About American Horror Story But...

My Halloween contacts came in yesterday, so I wore them last night to break 'em in.  They look like this.

We went to Enzian for the Nightmare On Elm St. "pitcher" show.
Chad, Chrystal, & Willie (n00b) were there and we had pitcherS & made a big mess with popcorn (sorry, enzian.  the critters will eat it).
Freddy was there, too, and watched himself.

It was super fun and we got home late and crashed.
Then this a.m., I was trying to remember when American Horror Story was on and thought it was tonight, but then Matt said it was on last night and we looked on the DVR but there was NO AMERICAN HORROR STORY!!
boooooooooooooooooooooo
So now I gotta wait til it shows up on the FX ondemand channel.
This morning it wasn't there yet.  If it shows up later, we'll talk again then.