POP BOMB VID!!!

BOOM!!*

OK...now that you've seen it...

Here are some fun things to look for whenever you go back to watch it again, like we all know you will:

• At the beginning, we have 2 cameras, so you're getting what Trina's seeing inside the obstacle course while Johnny's outside filming. This only happened at the beginning of the event, while we were still somewhat sober.

• Trina on the hop-n-bop is similarly captured and while we were still somewhat sober.

• A lot of what you're seeing throughout is timed with the lyrics you're hearing.  Example: When Chrystal's got the whipped cream...it's not on accident that you were also hearing the words "milky way".

• When you see StayPuft dancing to "Party Hard", it looks like Johnny (Steve Irwin to the right) puppets the echoing "Party Hard" and it makes me laugh every time.

• All the pics included at the end were ones you guys posted on the event page. Thank you for those!

I might have enough footage of everyone looking at the camera to see if "it's on?" to make a montage of just that. Stay tuned, maybe.

PS. I don't wanna hear any bitching about how they look fat or bald or wasted or ridiculous.* We're being captured in our natural environment, not posing for Olan Mills.  Believe me, there's way worse I could've included in here. You're welcome very much.

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*Yep, I said it.

Stuff Lately

Just got sucked into Sons of Anarchy.  Currently chewing on season 3.

I'm also utterly addicted to SkyRim (for months now).  I'm currently a level 20 High Elf Mage that's just turned vampire (by accident).  Not sure how to cure it since vampirism is a disease.  I thought it'd be fun, but being a vampire is kind of a pain in the ass and if you don't feed on a sleeping people in the middle of the night, you become blood starved and can't go into towns without an angry mob running you down.

Been painting this for this charity auction.  Not done with it yet.  Soon, though.

Been painting this as an exercise in oils.  Also as a "Suck It" to Jerm who was giving me some 'paint by numbers' smack talk.  This thing's been in the closet for years and I remembered it being there when Jerm brought it up.  Once done, I told him I'd frame it and he could have it.  Just for being a jerk. ;)

-Completely unrelated-
This text message exchange with Willie made me laugh recently.
Me: What's the farts[backspace]...eats?
Willie: Quesadillas. Vote for Pedro.  You?
Me: Rib-turd[backspace]...eyes and green beans.  Or Flats.

Since we're on the subject, every time I try to text, "What are you guys up to?" it always does this first:
Me: What are you tits[backspace]...guys up to?

Currently reading:
This
And this
And the front page article about Breaking Bad.  Would love to hang out with Cranston for an afternoon.

In dance class, we've learned two new steps for Tango and Waltz.  They have some silly fancy name but they're some nice footworky moves.  Makes it kinda look like we know what we're doing.  Its been over a year since I've had a pedicure but when I think to go in, I also remember how badly my toes get torn up from dancin'.  Seems a lost cause.

In Fat Saga news: I've been holding steady at -8lbs.  My eating habits are still going well but the occasional wrench gets thrown in from time to time.  Gym soreness is still awesome.  Been going twice a week.  Lame, I know.  Will light a fire to get in there more often....maybe.
FOCUS, ME, FOCUS!!

Dance Class The Other Night

We hustled all night with some stumbles on hammerlocks.

Later in the evening (back at home), we decided we wanted to try doing a tango to this The Kills song:



And we want to do a waltz to The Game of Thrones intro song (skipping the middle part that gets slow):



So we'll be practicing to those songs.  I gotta find a good hustle song for us to practice to.  In the studio, we practiced to MJ's Billy Jean last night before someone switched it up again.  The music is difficult in there because there are folks practicing competition stuff so the music's constantly changing.

Also, I don't think I showed off my new shoes, ones I had on Pinterest - the ones Instructor Brian says are 'angry':

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UPDATE!!
We found a song to hustle to!

You Know You're Fat When -or- A Declaration

1. Your 'fat' jeans are tight.
2. You break a sweat trying on different outfits.
3. XL shirts don't hide the rolls.
4. Your tits muffin top.*
5. The spot where your thighs touch threaten to start a fire when you walk.
6. The spot where your thighs touch are the only hole worn in your 'fat' jeans that are now tight.
7. You look like a stack of mower tires from behind.
8. Your elbows are but mere dimples.
9. Your underwear rolls down when you sit.
10. Your shirt rolls up when you take it off.
11. An Englishman calls you the "softest bird" he's ever danced with.
12. You wear your husband's swim trunks to a waterpark.
13. You sunburnt your stretchmarks.
14. You stand in the mirror and see a more fit you underneath the fatsuit you're currently wearing.
15. All pictures with you in them, suck.

Seriously, you guys....I've been a horrible disappointment to myself over the past year or two, or three, or six.

I even told me so a couple weeks ago when I tried (and failed, yet again) to keep a weight loss journal**.

This one lasted for not even 2 weeks.

ARGH!!!

Back in November, I started actin' like I was going to tackle this thing for real and wanted to do a 365 photo/vlog project and blah blah blah.

That one lasted about 2 weeks, too.

I HATE THE TWO WEEK CYCLE!!

Why do I do that?

Why am I letting me down?

Pannacakes just recently told me she hit a goal and is treating herself with some junk from Amazon.

I have no goals.

I've never had any real goals.

I usually just say what I want and then later on (days, weeks, months, years) it happens, but its not like I have a goal set list.

So, here it is.

I'm saying it, outloud, to you and the rest of the universe:

I WANT TO LOSE 30LBS BY THE END OF 2012.

We have 7 months left of the year.

That's 28 weeks.

And that's roughly 2lbs per week (with an added little challenge thrown in)

Here's how I plan to do it.  (holy crap...is this a goal??)

• Gym 5 days a week.  Bonuses if I have dance class or other high movement-type outings.
• Knock off the beer consumption drastically.  If I have any, it'll be dark and heavenly and 2 is my cutoff.
• Cut out the carb intake.  No breads, pastas, noodles, or other baked goods.  Even whole wheat type crap.  This has worked for me before, why don't I go back to what works?
• Lean meats and veg.  Fruits in the a.m.  Nothing crazy or new here.
• No friggin' CHEESE.  This one's a bitch.  I fuckin' love cheese...BUT like I said, I've done it before.

Its just time for me to do this again.

I don't like the way I feel.  I don't need anyone to make it a competition.  I don't need to keep talking about it.

What I do need is encouragement, constant reminders, and to fuckin' DO IT ALREADY.

If you don't like something, change it, right?

Its time to fucking change things.

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*I'm so not mad at this one.  It took me getting fat to even have tits.

**Written in the book Pannacakes got me that has a picture of a chihuahua dressed up like Michael Jackson on the cover.

The Never-Ending Birthday Week -or- Karenpalooza 2012 Part II

Wednesday Day 3 - This was productive day.  And unintentionally so.  After rifling through the house looking for our marriage certificate in the myriad of unorganized boxes of shit, I went to the DMV to renew my driver's license.  I think that because I'd lost my license (and then found it later) and ordered a new one, it flagged me and that was why I couldn't do the renewal online.  I'd much rather have been able to keep the ID photo from 8yrs ago.
After that mess, I came home to a cable company bill that was charging us for not returning their boxes after we dumped the cable service.  So, having lunch at Willow Tree seemed appropriate since the cable company office was over that way.  Followed by the cable company drop off and another forgotten check card incident and a quick other couple of errands and then a run back home to freshen up before meeting Chrystal's birthday party people at Flats.  Then it was rehearsal night which was followed by an Oblivion stop and the night ended up in stomach cramps and uncomfortableness until 4:30a.m.  I think my body was over-awesomed.

Thursday Day 4 - Because my body was so over-awesomed, Pannacakes and I decided to take it easy with a water filled lazy day over at New Smyrna.  Lunch at Off The Hook and a beach nap in my beach tent and sunburnt tops of legs were included.  Peeing in the ocean and lots of chatting were also thrown in there.  There were 2 accidents on I-4 on the way home.  That was pretty crazy...there were shoes in the road and a flipped truck.  Got home and got cleaned up and went to our rescheduled dance class and wore my new "angry tango" shoes.  That's what Instructor Brian called them cuz they're red and black.  We killed the hustle and did some tango.  Our next lesson, Instructor Brian said, we'd be split up and doing a focus lesson.  Matt will be with Lindsay and I'll be with Brian and then we're back together towards the end of the lesson to go over what we learned apart.

Friday Day 5 - I had a date with Mom for lunch.  We met up in downtown Mt. Dora and ate at the Palm and went over to the Aveda spa for a pre-birthday massage from Mom that left me all noodley & soft-skinned.  We ran through The Drawer to visit Bootie and pick up a few treasures.  Mom ran back to Aveda for a hair appt and I ran home to pack up for Mayhem.  Willie stopped by and Matt came home and gave me some crap for not having seen my first birthday present hanging in the upstairs hall (that I promptly moved to the red dining room wall):

After some squealing and celebrating, we all loaded up and caravanned down to the Wyndham to get situated for the evening's Pool Party with The Bloody Jug Band.  The night was insane...as anticipated with fire breathing clowns, the band, mermaids in the pool, conversations with Brazilians, and Kraken releasing.
It would end with a room party that included beatboxing and a shy amateur gangsta rapper with an awesome gold grill.  His name was Tunk.

The Never-Ending Birthday Week -or- Karenpalooza 2012 Part 1

Monday Day 1 - Nice leisurely trip to the gym to burn off some of the weekend after being hungover and sleeping almost all day Sunday.  While I was there, Trainer Brian was there and we caught up on things.  He looks like a Beatle now.  Hadn't seen him in months...hair's all grown out and he's rockin' an interesting mustache configuration.  Got home and cleaned up and Willie stopped by to give me some shit about something and brought up Dave & Buster's.  So we went.  And proceeded to get a bit of lunch and a little drunk and a lot excited over some pretty silly games....  Like, video lawn darts (my shit) and a Pirates game we fuckin' pwned through all 3 acts, and a Spaceballs game that was a big ticketer that was basically just a rubber ball version of Plinko from Price Is Right (also my shit).  We had some >3,000 tickets and went crazy snatching up cheap toys & candy from the winner's shop.
The next morning I would realize that I'd left my check card at the bar.

Tuesday Day 2 - The night before there were talks of waterpark action.  Aquatica or Typhoon Lagoon?  Typhoon won out because I used to work there and hadn't been since.  13yrs?  So we stopped by Dave & Buster's to grab my check card and cruised out to Typhoon.  After a quick stop by the bar, The Crush'n'Gusher made me dirty giggle and we grabbed a dual tube to jump on the Bananas slide first.  Got a workout up those stairs and jumped in to immediately start screaming down the slippery slopes and yell "SHIT" on turns when I thought we'd flip over.  Zippy bags full of cards were lost & found more than once.  Mayday Falls flipped me backwards.  Gangplank was shorter than I remember and still pretty lame.  Keelhaul was fun and I scraped my foot on the bottom of the Creek in the same spot Pannacakes pool attacked me from the weekend.  The water seemed low.  Terry made green crazy shots. They were tasty.
When I got home, Matthew and I were supposed to dance.  After another couple of jager shots, I ended up passing out in the car on the way to dance.
Being the Awesome he is, he went in to check out the situation (explaining that I was "not feeling well") for a solo dance with Instructor Brian's instructor lady friend, Lindsay but she was busy, so he rescheduled us and had a cider at the bar we frequent next to our dance studio.

Sometimes Ya Just Gotta Dance

Back in October, Matthew and I celebrated our 7 year itch.
I snatched up a groupon for Arthur Murray classes.

We finally started going when we came back from Hawaii.
The first class included simple box step (which is also the rumba.  hm, who knew!?), basic tango, hustle, swing steps, and one basic turn.
Then I bought these dancin' shoes I found on sale here.  They make me & my feet happy.

They had perfect timing and came in the day before our 2nd class, so when we got there & I put them on, one of the girls who works at the studio was all, "I love them!  Where'd you get'em?"
"....uh....online?"  It kinda threw me off that someone who does this for a living would be asking me where I got proshoes.

We got Brian to tell us his sinking boat story that I'd read here.
He made it sound like it was a sore subject but patted us on the back for reading profiles.
Then he taught us turns for the rumba & the waltz.  He's dreamy to dance with.
And apparently, I'm only to be instructed by young dudes named Brian.
Here's what Matthew looked like at the studio last week, while we were waiting for said Brian:

Matthew sweated through his white shirt.  I told him he should wear a "let's get physical" sweatband for the next class....WHICH IS TONIGHT!

I love our classes.