My Effin' Chicken Recipe

A few of you have been asking for this recipe.  You should know, I don't cook with recipes really.  I "loosely base" my own shit on recipes I watch or read about.  Mostly from memory after I read it once or twice.  And I don't measure things and my cast iron skillet is King.  Love that thing. (heh, that rhymed)

Watch this video to see where I learned the basics.
Thanks to Willie for sharing that bit.

So, on this one, I seared it on 3 sides (back, side, and side - each for a few minutes) and put it back on it's back and then I threw in a half an onion, a carrot, and some celery all cut up into bits.  Oh, and a couple cloves of garlic.  Throw your veggies into the pan around the sides and salt and pepper it all before you throw it all in the oven.  And when you throw it in the oven...it'll be at 350ish, for about an hour.
Afterwards, I like to take a spoon and lean the pan onto one side and spoon the drippings & seasonings back up on the bird before serving.

For a side to go with, I made a badass mashed cauliflower.  Here's how you do that nonsense:
1 head of cauliflower, 1 thing of crumbled goat cheese (I get publix), 1 or 2 cloves of garlic, some salt, 2 or 3 tblsp (or maybe a 1/4c) of chicken broth, some butter.
Boil or steam your head of cauliflower, when its soft, drain it and throw it in the food processor with the garlic, butter, goat cheese, salt, and chicken broth.  Turn that shit on and/or pulse when needed to get the cauliflower lumps out.
Ta-muthafuckin'-da.  Mashed cauliflower.  An awesome alternative to mashed potatoes.

I LOVE cooking this.  And the leftovers are great, too.
So there.

Fat Saga BREAKING NEWS!!

So I just jumped on the scale this morning and I'm actually down 9lbs!!
Not the 6 or 7 I thought it was when I posted yesterday.

FUCK YOU, FAT!!

*happy dancing*

Fat Saga Update: Weeks 4 and 5

I skipped posting last week.  Felt like a vacation week with the 4th being on a Wednesday.

Again, I'm still eating really well, but lately my gym routine has sucked.  I've been only twice a week for the past two.
Trainer Brian said that eating was more important than workouts so I don't feel as bad as I probably should.
When I do go, I hit it hard.
Lifted legs yesterday and my butt cheeks are sore.
Gym soreness rules.
I should go more often just for that.

After the first month, I'm down about 6 or 7 lbs.  Just shy of my two pounds a week goal.
I reckon if I were stickin' to the gym better, I'd have done better with meeting that.

Cheers to month 2!!

Fat Saga Week 3 - State of Guts

I don't feel like weighing myself today.
I'm still eating well.  My jeans fit better.
I went to the gym 3, maybe 4 times.
Slacked off over the weekend because we were in Siesta Key and its been so rainy.
Rainy mornings command me to stay in bed a little while longer.
But I did manage to get up and after it this morning.
Hit the grocery store for more fancy water, meat, veg, & nuts.  They didn't have my favorite grass fed ribeyes, sadly.
Will check back tomorrow.
Raw organic cashews* are effing awesome.  I've also picked up raw organic sunflower seeds, walnuts, and almonds.

Matt & I had an interesting conversation this morning while I was eating my grass fed burger with cashews, post workout.
He (Matt, not the burger) was eyeballin' me and asked how the red meat was treating my guts.

I hadn't really thought about it up until this point, but in the past, after going to steakhouses and crap with friends, my guts were always pissed off with me from whatever I'd eaten.

Not so much anymore.  (knocking on wood)
I haven't had any uncomfortable issues and not much in the way of IBS pains/noises either.

The more I think about it, the more I realize, HOLY CRAP (literally)....I was effin' my body up big time to be in that much discomfort.  It wasn't like chronic pain or anything, but I seriously can't recall being in ANY over the past 3 weeks.

Nowadays, the only time I ever hear the belly monster is when I'm hungry.  It isn't due to borborygmus.

So, that's cool.

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*which are NOT legumes.

ps.  THIS is the fuckin' business.  A small slice of that in a hot cast iron skillet with pink salt and throw one of those aforementioned ribeyes in, maybe some asparagus....that shit is perfection.

The Fat Saga Sabotage

"At the end of two weeks, you can have a day to eat whatever you want...", Trainer Brian said.
Something about spiking levels.
So, over the weekend, we went to Publix for subs.
Turkey on wheat.
It felt funny to watch while the dude was making it....even funnier just saying it...."wheat".
It tasted good & sanguichy...but it wasn't a grassfed ribeye with shrooms and onions from the cast iron with a side of asparagus.

I have seen The Devil and it's name is Bread.

On Friday, I was down the 2lbs I needed for the week.
After Saturday's sub fest followed by a few thin-crust meaty Papa John's slices, those 2lbs were back to party and they brought a friend.

All this garbage about having a "cheat day" and "don't deny yourself anything" is a load of horseshit.
Those are the things that got me in this fat mess to begin with.

So, fuck you, cheat day.

I was in the gym 5 days but 0lbs lost in week two because I was busy burnin' off that stupid ass cheat food. On a positive note, I'm glad to have gone through this and that my body reacted the way it did.  Further reinforces my determination.
Which is good, since we're looking at week 3 and that's usually where I fall off the wagon & lose focus.
Pretty sure that That Thing that clicks when you want something to happen that you have control over has finally clicked for me again this time.
I must say, it's nice to have it back on again after so many years.

The Fat Saga Continues...

So, Matthew pointed out that my math was wrong on my Declaration post from last week.
Then I stopped to think about it and DUH!! I'm a mathtard.

30lbs in 28wks is NOT 2lbs a week.
Its only a little over 1lb a week.
But I like 2lbs a week better.
And none of you turds corrected me.

So, once again....
FUCK YOU, MATH!!

Additionally, last week I studied up and listened to Trainer Brian preach on about going paleo.
So, I've been eating meats (organic/grassfed/wild caught) and nuts in the a.m.  Meats and veg (organic & mainly green; broccoli and asparagus and green beans) for lunch and dinner.
(Which is exactly how I was eating 10yrs ago, before anyone started calling it "paleo".)
Drinking 2-3L of water a day.

I've been to the gym 5 times since The Declaration.

I'm down 4lbs.

SO, FUCK YOU, TOO, FAT!!

You Know You're Fat When -or- A Declaration

1. Your 'fat' jeans are tight.
2. You break a sweat trying on different outfits.
3. XL shirts don't hide the rolls.
4. Your tits muffin top.*
5. The spot where your thighs touch threaten to start a fire when you walk.
6. The spot where your thighs touch are the only hole worn in your 'fat' jeans that are now tight.
7. You look like a stack of mower tires from behind.
8. Your elbows are but mere dimples.
9. Your underwear rolls down when you sit.
10. Your shirt rolls up when you take it off.
11. An Englishman calls you the "softest bird" he's ever danced with.
12. You wear your husband's swim trunks to a waterpark.
13. You sunburnt your stretchmarks.
14. You stand in the mirror and see a more fit you underneath the fatsuit you're currently wearing.
15. All pictures with you in them, suck.

Seriously, you guys....I've been a horrible disappointment to myself over the past year or two, or three, or six.

I even told me so a couple weeks ago when I tried (and failed, yet again) to keep a weight loss journal**.

This one lasted for not even 2 weeks.

ARGH!!!

Back in November, I started actin' like I was going to tackle this thing for real and wanted to do a 365 photo/vlog project and blah blah blah.

That one lasted about 2 weeks, too.

I HATE THE TWO WEEK CYCLE!!

Why do I do that?

Why am I letting me down?

Pannacakes just recently told me she hit a goal and is treating herself with some junk from Amazon.

I have no goals.

I've never had any real goals.

I usually just say what I want and then later on (days, weeks, months, years) it happens, but its not like I have a goal set list.

So, here it is.

I'm saying it, outloud, to you and the rest of the universe:

I WANT TO LOSE 30LBS BY THE END OF 2012.

We have 7 months left of the year.

That's 28 weeks.

And that's roughly 2lbs per week (with an added little challenge thrown in)

Here's how I plan to do it.  (holy crap...is this a goal??)

• Gym 5 days a week.  Bonuses if I have dance class or other high movement-type outings.
• Knock off the beer consumption drastically.  If I have any, it'll be dark and heavenly and 2 is my cutoff.
• Cut out the carb intake.  No breads, pastas, noodles, or other baked goods.  Even whole wheat type crap.  This has worked for me before, why don't I go back to what works?
• Lean meats and veg.  Fruits in the a.m.  Nothing crazy or new here.
• No friggin' CHEESE.  This one's a bitch.  I fuckin' love cheese...BUT like I said, I've done it before.

Its just time for me to do this again.

I don't like the way I feel.  I don't need anyone to make it a competition.  I don't need to keep talking about it.

What I do need is encouragement, constant reminders, and to fuckin' DO IT ALREADY.

If you don't like something, change it, right?

Its time to fucking change things.

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*I'm so not mad at this one.  It took me getting fat to even have tits.

**Written in the book Pannacakes got me that has a picture of a chihuahua dressed up like Michael Jackson on the cover.