Showing posts with label effin friday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label effin friday. Show all posts

Friday, December 11, 2015

Photo Prompt - The American Contract

We were provided with 5 photos to pick from and write a story segment about. It didn't have to be a finished story, but it did need to be between 500 to 600 words.
This is the picture I chose and the words that followed.

The American Contract


I've been sitting here with my bitter black coffee in this cafe for about 30 minutes. The smell of coffee beans and toasted bread is in the air. The street lights have just come on against the crisp autumn evening of the city. The bicycle bells are starting to diminish but the sound of the train is still going strong nearby. The church bells all rang about an hour ago when I was trailing the denim wearing fellow down a few side streets. He ducked into the building across from where I'm sitting in this cafe, essentially becoming invisible due to security badges and metal detector body scans being a requirement in order to follow. I'm slightly pissed at feeling under prepared. This assignment is no different than jobs I've taken previously. When the message comes through and I take a job, there's usually just an initial date and time to pick up the trail, a grainy photo, boosted from a security camera, and a time frame for how long I'm supposed to trail the mark. Most of the time, the jobs are only a day or two. The longest was about 23 days. I've never had a contract last longer than a month. My job is to simply document movements and routines and remain completely inconspicuous. I rarely ever know the reason for the job. I don't ask questions and appreciate the income.

The waiter that first brought over my coffee has forgotten about me already. The coffee cup is empty and instead of looking for someone to refill, my eyes fall upon an old salty fellow in the dark corner of the room. He's got a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket and his jacket is hanging on a hook to the side of the table. He's reading a book which is lit by a single white candle in a pewter holder, and I can see only half of his wrinkled grey bearded face. For a brief moment, I consider what his internal voice sounds like as he's reading.

In my peripheral vision, I see a familiar shape exit the building across the street. My mark is on the move and immediately, I'm glad the waiter has forgotten me since I'd already been getting lost in my thoughts without that second cup of coffee.  I leave a few coins on the table and head towards the door, keeping an eye on my mark through the glass as I exit.

I'm supposed to be trailing this guy, I'm assuming is American because of his jeans, for a Monday through Friday contract, but he's moving faster than the usual 5 day gig.

I've only been to America once, to Disney World with my family, back when I was a kid and we were still a family. I remember there being giant stores full of denim. I vowed to never wear denim. My look is efficient and forgettable - I own exactly 7 black shirts, 7 pairs of black leggings, 2 pairs of black boots, and 2 black jackets; one sporty, one leather, and 3 black hoodies, and a drawer full of black socks and underwear - the boring kind you can buy in a pack of 5 at a time. It's easier to hide in the shadows and/or blend into the crowd wearing all black. It makes me feel invisible and as a result, I've never been made during a job.

My American denim wearer is walking briskly through a higher traffic touristy area and ducks into a coffee shop. I stop in an alley way across the street and light a cigarette.I've been sitting here with my bitter black coffee in this cafe for about 30 minutes. The smell of coffee beans and toasted bread is in the air. The street lights have just come on against the crisp autumn evening of the city. The bicycle bells are starting to diminish but the sound of the train is still going strong nearby. The church bells all rang about an hour ago when I was trailing the denim wearing fellow down a few side streets. He ducked into the building across from where I'm sitting in this cafe, essentially becoming invisible due to security badges and metal detector body scans being a requirement in order to follow. I'm slightly pissed at feeling under prepared. This assignment is no different than jobs I've taken previously. When the message comes through and I take a job, there's usually just an initial date and time to pick up the trail, a grainy photo, boosted from a security camera, and a time frame for how long I'm supposed to trail the mark. Most of the time, the jobs are only a day or two. The longest was about 23 days. I've never had a contract last longer than a month. My job is to simply document movements and routines and remain completely inconspicuous. I rarely ever know the reason for the job. I don't ask questions and appreciate the income.

The waiter that first brought over my coffee has forgotten about me already. The coffee cup is empty and instead of looking for someone to refill, my eyes fall upon an old salty fellow in the dark corner of the room. He's got a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket and his jacket is hanging on a hook to the side of the table. He's reading a book which is lit by a single white candle in a pewter holder, and I can see only half of his wrinkled grey bearded face. For a brief moment, I consider what his internal voice sounds like as he's reading.

In my peripheral vision, I see a familiar shape exit the building across the street. My mark is on the move and immediately, I'm glad the waiter has forgotten me since I'd already been getting lost in my thoughts without that second cup of coffee.  I leave a few coins on the table and head towards the door, keeping an eye on my mark through the glass as I exit.

I'm supposed to be trailing this guy, I'm assuming is American because of his jeans, for a Monday through Friday contract, but he's moving faster than the usual 5 day gig.

I've only been to America once, to Disney World with my family, back when I was a kid and we were still a family. I remember there being giant stores full of denim. I vowed to never wear denim. My look is efficient and forgettable - I own exactly 7 black shirts, 7 pairs of black leggings, 2 pairs of black boots, and 2 black jackets; one sporty, one leather, and 3 black hoodies, and a drawer full of black socks and underwear - the boring kind you can buy in a pack of 5 at a time. It's easier to hide in the shadows and/or blend into the crowd wearing all black. It makes me feel invisible and as a result, I've never been made during a job.

My American denim wearer is walking briskly through a higher traffic touristy area and ducks into a coffee shop. I stop in an alley way across the street and light a cigarette.

Friday, September 27, 2013

A First Friday

As mentioned in yesterday's ramblings, I'm unemployed....was RIF'd back in July.
Here's a cute little throw back in case we wanna reminisce.

There's a funny thing about being in sales.
It's called a 'sales cycle'.
Everything is measured on a quarterly basis and due to this, for some odd reason (*cough* quotas) everyone decides to wait until the last month of every quarter (or every third month, for you yearly calendar folks) to push mega hard, and give discounts, and draw-up endless revisions of contracts & spreadsheets, and have war room concalls, and wait around for signatures in the lobbies of corporate offices, and do everything they frantically can to pull in at the very last minute whatever big elephant deal they might be working on....

And usually all of this is going on within the last 2-3 weeks of that magical beast of a third month.
As if that magical beast of a third month were somehow unexpectedly sneaking up on everyone.

And all the field reps you support are doing all the same cram-it-in things all at the same time.
And your regular 40-50hr work week turns into an 80hr work week for at least 2 weeks in a row.
Every. Third. Month.

And on the last Friday of each quarter....
It's like Christmas with none of the fun stuff.
Because we'd all be staying up late, glued to our laptops til 2 or 3 or 4a.m. babysitting those big elephant deals because they'd just come in that afternoon and they're complex in backend paperwork and everything has to match up just so for processing....
And there'd be emergency fire drill concalls with teams of management at 1a.m. and additional confirmations needed via email or someone forgot to click a checkbox in some system and everyone that's ever been associated with the big elephant deal is asking you if it's booked yet....
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"
"Is there an SO#?"

And in the past 10yrs, this is the first Friday at the End of The Quarter that I don't have to do ANY of that.

Tonight, I'm pouring one out for my corporate homies that kick so much ass.

______________________

PS. If you're reading this and you know who I'm talking about when I say "Sales Associate", hug them, send them flowers, liquor, beer, strippers, buy them a car. They take really good care of you and do their best for you and, at times, get little in return.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Fuckin' Friday!!

I was traveling for work earlier this week and found myself sitting outside the office of a rowdy boss-type fella.  Here are a few snippets I joyfully overheard that made me feel comfy in new surroundings:

Him: No, its NOT a great day.  Its a fuckin' Tuesday and I'm in fuckin' New York when I could be home in Connecticut.

Him: No one wants to hear your fuckin' whining.  I have my own fuckin' whining to do.

Him to me: Excuse me.  Are you planning on getting a lot done today?
Me: No.
Him:  Good.  We're going to be stirrin' things up.  It'll probably get out of hand.
Me: You're comforting me, actually.
Him: Do you come from a miserable troubled childhood?
Me laughing: Yeah, something like that.

Him singing:  Its a long way to Tipperary.  Does it bother you guys when I sing?
Dudes in his office:  Not yet.
Him: Good, cuz I was gonna tell you to go fuck yourselves.

He's got a really nice singing voice.  Reminds me of my father-in-law.

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Packer Panda

As most of you know, I married into a Green Bay Packer family.  And some of you long time brainure readers know that I make these panda heads.

So this year, for Christmas, I've made my father-in-law a Packer Panda.
It looks like this:


And I don't have to worry about him seeing this before Sunday because he's not on facebook and doesn't read this (thankfully).
And I know Matthew and MICK won't forward this to anyone, right Mick??  ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE, TURDS!
Be careful out there, kids.
Enjoy time spent with those you love & don't ever take it for granted.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmahanukkwanzaakuh!!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Effin' Friday - New Orleans

Went to New Orleans a couple weeks ago.
It was supposed to be for a work thing but they cancelled it once we got there so we were forced an impromptu 3 day weekend that the company partially paid for.  SCORE.

Here are a few highlights:


Friday, September 16, 2011

STFU Friday

I have some catching up to do.  That's what weekends are for.
But for now....
Enjoy this.

Friday, August 19, 2011

New Word

You know how Liz Lemmon says, "blerg"?

I find myself saying it occasionally, when/where appropriate.
More often than not, though, I'm simply saying, "fuck" instead of "blerg".
But recently, I've been saying "blarf" instead of "blerg" or "fuck".

Friday, August 5, 2011

Best No A/C Care Package Evar

Effin Friday

I would be happier about Friday but being without a/c for 3 days during the hottest month of the year (& just before you're supposed to have a giant summer party)......has kinda put a damper on my mood.
Here are my observations:

1. Cold showers are nice until you grab a handful of shampoo and it feels warm.....that's fuckin' weird.

2. This is an absolutely miserable way to live. I wouldn't wish it on anyone & if I ever joined politics, this would be my platform. Surely, a/c should be considered a human right.

3. You don't really stop sweating until sometime between 5:30 and 6 a.m.

4. People still ring your doorbell even when the front door is wide open.

5. I have no idea how anyone ever "settled" or lived in this place before electricity. The real estate boom obviously happened after people figured out how to live comfortably. If it had been me back in the day, I would've been all "the Indians can effin' have it, man".

6. You know what you feel like doing when you're hot and sweaty all the time? NOTHING. Absofuckin'lutely nothing. Except maybe finding errands to run so you can jump in the car and get some relief there.

7. Sleeping is impossible. Sleeping on a towel is a little more bearable.....so you don't stick to the couch that you've moved down to cuz its too hot upstairs, even with 4 fans blowing directly on you. (see #3 & #8 & #9)

8. Everything sticks to you. Ev. er. y. thing.

9. Moist is a constant state.

10. I feel like a giant ham curing. Salty, meaty, fatty. Ham.

11. The cats have melted on the floor. I've been calling them the Jonestown kitters cuz even they don't feel like moving & every time you see them, they're laying flat on the floor - either on the tile or in the hallway where we have fans set up. Fur puddles.

Today the home warranty people told us they've escalated and are considering this an emergency. Yesterday was 97. Today is only supposed to be 96, oh goodie.....a temp drop.

Wish us luck.