Dry Ass Salad

Notice anything funny about this picture?

That's right, winner. My salad dressing ISN'T actually on my salad. "Why?", you ask? After choking on a dry lettuce leaf, I was asking myself the same thing. "Self, why?" and then I looked it up, so now I'll show you in pictures.

That's 14g big ol' grams of FAT in 1 helping of their salad dressing (whatever a "helping" is - usually 2 tblsp for dressings). Eva (my lunch lady) loves to bathe salads in dressing, so today I asked for it on the side. ...And just looked at it...
OK, OK, OK...so I dipped my fork in like 3 times. But that ain't one helping. And the dressing:salad ratio - salad was way winning. To the point of almost killing me. I still have lettuce leaves stuck to the inside of my throat....like esophagus wallpaper.
Look how balanced my little pie chart thing is up there. Like when you're in elementary school learning fractions.

Since I'm trying to get RID of fat - I said, "Self, why the hell would I consume all that fat if I'm trying to get rid of it?" So I took that helping off the chart, and look at my cute little pie chart now! Its all Benzed out and shit.