If these walls could talk...

They'd say, "HOLY SHIT, THERE'S A LEAK!!"
From 3 to 4pm this afternoon I was on a work call. During which my bladder reached its maximum capacity. When the call finally ended, I did the pee belly shuffle to our downstairs bathroom. While I was sitting there in urinating induced euphoria, I noticed this faint hissing sound. It was behind me. And there was a puddle under the magazine rack. Being my father's daughter, I must find out where the hissing noise and puddle is coming from. The puddle is reflecting a slight ripple so I put my hand out to feel what's making it do that. My hand follows a misting coming from behind the water line going to the toilet tank. Not a good sign.
I turn off the water to the toilet and its still hissing and misting like a hole in a hose. I holler for Matt to come down from his office and supervise what's about to happen and help me make sure that the water main is actually where I think it is.
We shut the water to the house off.
I tug on the toilet line and a pipe pops off. eesh. So I reach up into the soggy wall to find what it had been connected to. I find that pipe and pull that one down to try and connect it back to what had separated from it. About a 7 inch pc of pipe pops off in my hand. Mother. fuck.
Our plans of going to see Mongol at the Enzian are now turning into wet and moldy drywall.
We grab a hammer and a wrench. The wrench to get the toilet tank off the bowl. The hammer to bust into the wall to find the connecting piece of the now incomplete plumbing. I just finished the wall tile about 2 or 3 months ago. I slam the hammer into the wall and the head of it sinks into the drywall as if it were mashed potatoes.
Apparently this isn't a new problem.
I break of parts of my new tile job and break apart the mold spore ridden plaster to give us a good size hole to work in - but not to big that it can't be hidden behind the toilet tank later on. We go to Lowe's and get some pipe cement to fix the shit back on. The pipe cement did absolutely nothing except stick my fingers together. I called my plumber girl, Krackwhore, and give her the scoop. She says what we have is polybuterol pipe and that there's currently a class action lawsuit against the makers because of leaks and flood claims. I'm signing up tomorrow. We go back to Lowe's and find Greg. Greg is our friend and tells us there's a class action lawsuit against our 7 inch piece of pipe we brought in with us. He also recommends replacing the elbow joints with these super cool, super easy new fangled pressure release elbow joints. We don't even need glue or cement or purple primer. So we take that shit home and Krackwhore is there. We go in, install our new fancy elbows, curse a few more times, get that shit tightened up and the toilet tank bank on and no more drips when we turn the water main back on. HUZZAH WATER RETURNS TO OUR VILLAGE!! OH GLORIOUS DAY!! So now we have a big moldy hole behind the toilet tank which is currently being aired out with a fan aimed at it. And the closet under the stairs will be in need of a new coat of primer once its dried out. And I need some tilex or a spray bottle for bleach to kill those mold spores. Hope I don't die in my sleep from mold inhalation.

Thus ends how I spent my Friday night.