Fat Saga Week 3 - State of Guts

I don't feel like weighing myself today.
I'm still eating well.  My jeans fit better.
I went to the gym 3, maybe 4 times.
Slacked off over the weekend because we were in Siesta Key and its been so rainy.
Rainy mornings command me to stay in bed a little while longer.
But I did manage to get up and after it this morning.
Hit the grocery store for more fancy water, meat, veg, & nuts.  They didn't have my favorite grass fed ribeyes, sadly.
Will check back tomorrow.
Raw organic cashews* are effing awesome.  I've also picked up raw organic sunflower seeds, walnuts, and almonds.

Matt & I had an interesting conversation this morning while I was eating my grass fed burger with cashews, post workout.
He (Matt, not the burger) was eyeballin' me and asked how the red meat was treating my guts.

I hadn't really thought about it up until this point, but in the past, after going to steakhouses and crap with friends, my guts were always pissed off with me from whatever I'd eaten.

Not so much anymore.  (knocking on wood)
I haven't had any uncomfortable issues and not much in the way of IBS pains/noises either.

The more I think about it, the more I realize, HOLY CRAP (literally)....I was effin' my body up big time to be in that much discomfort.  It wasn't like chronic pain or anything, but I seriously can't recall being in ANY over the past 3 weeks.

Nowadays, the only time I ever hear the belly monster is when I'm hungry.  It isn't due to borborygmus.

So, that's cool.

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*which are NOT legumes.

ps.  THIS is the fuckin' business.  A small slice of that in a hot cast iron skillet with pink salt and throw one of those aforementioned ribeyes in, maybe some asparagus....that shit is perfection.

TED Talks Tuesday

I watched these while at the gym this a.m.  Thought I'd share.

I'm Cranky - Meh Monday

I don't mean to be short or snippy.
Sometimes, I'm stricken with moments of asshole.

The Fat Saga Sabotage

"At the end of two weeks, you can have a day to eat whatever you want...", Trainer Brian said.
Something about spiking levels.
So, over the weekend, we went to Publix for subs.
Turkey on wheat.
It felt funny to watch while the dude was making it....even funnier just saying it...."wheat".
It tasted good & sanguichy...but it wasn't a grassfed ribeye with shrooms and onions from the cast iron with a side of asparagus.

I have seen The Devil and it's name is Bread.

On Friday, I was down the 2lbs I needed for the week.
After Saturday's sub fest followed by a few thin-crust meaty Papa John's slices, those 2lbs were back to party and they brought a friend.

All this garbage about having a "cheat day" and "don't deny yourself anything" is a load of horseshit.
Those are the things that got me in this fat mess to begin with.

So, fuck you, cheat day.

I was in the gym 5 days but 0lbs lost in week two because I was busy burnin' off that stupid ass cheat food. On a positive note, I'm glad to have gone through this and that my body reacted the way it did.  Further reinforces my determination.
Which is good, since we're looking at week 3 and that's usually where I fall off the wagon & lose focus.
Pretty sure that That Thing that clicks when you want something to happen that you have control over has finally clicked for me again this time.
I must say, it's nice to have it back on again after so many years.

Saw This & Thought It Was Pretty

It was floating around facebook.

The Fat Saga Continues...

So, Matthew pointed out that my math was wrong on my Declaration post from last week.
Then I stopped to think about it and DUH!! I'm a mathtard.

30lbs in 28wks is NOT 2lbs a week.
Its only a little over 1lb a week.
But I like 2lbs a week better.
And none of you turds corrected me.

So, once again....
FUCK YOU, MATH!!

Additionally, last week I studied up and listened to Trainer Brian preach on about going paleo.
So, I've been eating meats (organic/grassfed/wild caught) and nuts in the a.m.  Meats and veg (organic & mainly green; broccoli and asparagus and green beans) for lunch and dinner.
(Which is exactly how I was eating 10yrs ago, before anyone started calling it "paleo".)
Drinking 2-3L of water a day.

I've been to the gym 5 times since The Declaration.

I'm down 4lbs.

SO, FUCK YOU, TOO, FAT!!

Lightning Strikes

We had a cool lookin' storm roll in.
This is me toying with lightning photography...which is effin' fun, until it starts raining sideways.

Vampire Eating Garlic

I've had this image in my head for quite sometime.
Finally did it.
Not exactly how I'd seen it, but it was fun to play.
Might do it again sometime.

2012 KM Photo Project #4

Yes, we know we're two months behind.  Shit happens.
The month of April was "Bad 90's Glamour Shots", so here we are in all our soft filtered glory.

Clearly, Martha's done this before.

I love the chin hands and head tilts.

Mine aren't nearly as good.  My lighting was all wrong & forgot to use a flash, but whatever.
Here we go.

The last one was just for fun.  I've never done Glamour Shots before and its been YEARS since I've done any weird portrait studio poses.  Totally forgot about the chinhands and crap.  All I could remember was the collar holds.

What Martha learned: "I learned that I need to keep more stupid hats and gaudy jewelry on hand.  And boas.  And I need to use Tom more for these projects; he's hilarious and oh so helpful behind the camera-phone.  Also I learned that hair-spraying a bang wave is the delorean time machine to my middle school years."

What I learned:  Doing 'big hair' is difficult when you have fine hair.  I've haven't used that much hairspray since back then.  Should've used the flash and had bigger jewelry on.  Also practicing poses beforehand might've helped.  Pay no attention to my nails in the first one.
Oh, great...now you'll go back and look.  I really had no clue how to do "90s makeup", so it just ended up being weird shades of what I normally wear thrown together and overdone.

GAWH!, I WISH I COULD DO BIG HAIR LIKE HER'S!!

1 out of 1 Snoops Approve The New Lair Table

Rise of Nightmares - ugh

Remember when I was excited about this game?
I signed up to gamefly a few months back and this was the first one I wanted to check out.
First time I played it...got through the tutorial and opening bit until the charater's train crashed.  Which is probably a good 10mins of game play, figuring out movements and watching little cutscenes.
Then I had to go somewhere, so I shut it off because at the beginning it says the game autosaves and provides no 'save' in the options menus.
Stupid me.
So, the next time I pick it up, I have to do the opening 10mins again.  Which has been cut down to about 6 since I've done it before but still wait through cut scenes.
I get to the train crash again and have to run in place across the top of a train car.
--Shit...I'm wearing the wrong bra and shoes for this, so I throw some gym gear on.--
Then another 4mins spent trying to figure out how the game tracks my running, with dying a few times, and a little frustration.
Then 3 mins in a cave scene, a swimming scene where you flail your arms like you're swimming, and a buncha minutes just walking and looking around.
And then I had to go off and do something else again.
So that 2nd Round of game play was maybe 15mins (minus the time it took to change clothes).
This time, I knew that when I went back to it, and because THERE'S NO FREAKIN' SAVE!!, I'd hafta do the opening crap ALL over again which would be 15mins just to get up to something new and... just....SOMETHING.

Weeks go by, and the other night I picked it up again....got through the opening crap and all the way to the graveyard....
20 or so minutes of gameplay.  With the right shoes & bra on.
I paused it and ran upstairs to look up how to save that shit.
Cuz I had to go again.
Yahoo Answers helped me out a bit.
Not really.
It was mostly just people pissed off about the same thing.

So, because I had to go, I ended up just keeping it paused and upon my return home,
played for another 20mins, got to Act III, yelled multiple curse words when I kept dying, and was getting tired (even the xbox was asking me if I needed to take a break).
So I shut that shit off, threw it back into the mailing sleeve, slammed it in the mailbox, and stomped off to bed.

The End.

You Know You're Fat When -or- A Declaration

1. Your 'fat' jeans are tight.
2. You break a sweat trying on different outfits.
3. XL shirts don't hide the rolls.
4. Your tits muffin top.*
5. The spot where your thighs touch threaten to start a fire when you walk.
6. The spot where your thighs touch are the only hole worn in your 'fat' jeans that are now tight.
7. You look like a stack of mower tires from behind.
8. Your elbows are but mere dimples.
9. Your underwear rolls down when you sit.
10. Your shirt rolls up when you take it off.
11. An Englishman calls you the "softest bird" he's ever danced with.
12. You wear your husband's swim trunks to a waterpark.
13. You sunburnt your stretchmarks.
14. You stand in the mirror and see a more fit you underneath the fatsuit you're currently wearing.
15. All pictures with you in them, suck.

Seriously, you guys....I've been a horrible disappointment to myself over the past year or two, or three, or six.

I even told me so a couple weeks ago when I tried (and failed, yet again) to keep a weight loss journal**.

This one lasted for not even 2 weeks.

ARGH!!!

Back in November, I started actin' like I was going to tackle this thing for real and wanted to do a 365 photo/vlog project and blah blah blah.

That one lasted about 2 weeks, too.

I HATE THE TWO WEEK CYCLE!!

Why do I do that?

Why am I letting me down?

Pannacakes just recently told me she hit a goal and is treating herself with some junk from Amazon.

I have no goals.

I've never had any real goals.

I usually just say what I want and then later on (days, weeks, months, years) it happens, but its not like I have a goal set list.

So, here it is.

I'm saying it, outloud, to you and the rest of the universe:

I WANT TO LOSE 30LBS BY THE END OF 2012.

We have 7 months left of the year.

That's 28 weeks.

And that's roughly 2lbs per week (with an added little challenge thrown in)

Here's how I plan to do it.  (holy crap...is this a goal??)

• Gym 5 days a week.  Bonuses if I have dance class or other high movement-type outings.
• Knock off the beer consumption drastically.  If I have any, it'll be dark and heavenly and 2 is my cutoff.
• Cut out the carb intake.  No breads, pastas, noodles, or other baked goods.  Even whole wheat type crap.  This has worked for me before, why don't I go back to what works?
• Lean meats and veg.  Fruits in the a.m.  Nothing crazy or new here.
• No friggin' CHEESE.  This one's a bitch.  I fuckin' love cheese...BUT like I said, I've done it before.

Its just time for me to do this again.

I don't like the way I feel.  I don't need anyone to make it a competition.  I don't need to keep talking about it.

What I do need is encouragement, constant reminders, and to fuckin' DO IT ALREADY.

If you don't like something, change it, right?

Its time to fucking change things.

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*I'm so not mad at this one.  It took me getting fat to even have tits.

**Written in the book Pannacakes got me that has a picture of a chihuahua dressed up like Michael Jackson on the cover.

From Neil deGrasse Tyson's Tweets Today

Absolutely love these.