Time Again For...WARNING LABEL FUN!!

This is the warning label on a bottle of Andre Spumanti.

Friendly Reminder: Please don't look directly at the champagne bottle cork while you open it.

Because then you won't be able to enjoy your delicious mimosa.
Since you'll only have one eye, your depth perception will be off and you'll keep missing your delicious mimosa glass when you reach for it. And then it'll spill. And then you'll have a sticky orange juice mess to clean up.....with only one eye. So you know you'll do a shitty job and leave orange juice streaks behind. And then it'll draw ants. And then they'll get stuck in the orange juice streaks sludge and die. And somewhere you'll have orphaned some baby ants back in the hole their parents bravely treked out of on a grand adventure to harvest and bring back orange juice remnants for their offspring. So then the baby ants will starve and die.

All because you just HAD to look at the champagne bottle cork when you opened it.

I have CRABS!!

Conjoined at the catass.

I Have The Greatest Husband

This was waiting for me when I got home one night last week.

Underwater

Memorial Day

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself. ~Joseph Campbell.

New Yummy Goodness

We've been eating a ton of fresh, good foods.
Here's my recent favorite.

Celery, carrots, garlic - cut up in slivers. 2 or 3 cups worth total.
Shredded coconut. I guess about a cups worth.
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice.
Coconut milk from the coconut you used to shred.
4 or 5 shakes of red pepper flakes.
10 shakes of thai fish sauce.
About 5 shakes of soy sauce.
2 pinches of salt.
Some cilantro and some scallions.
And about 1lb shrimp - shelled and veined.
The prep takes the longest. About 20mins, I reckon.

Throw the veggies in first - let them cook and the liquids reduce before throwing in the shrimp. About 10-15 mins. Throw the shrimp in.
As soon as the shrimp turn pink, you're done. It only takes a few mins. Take the pan off the heat and let stand.
Eat with chopsticks.

CUZ CHOPSTICKS MAKE EVERYTHING TASTE BETTER!!

15 Minutes

Its 9 a.m. and a colleague calls.
I'm conveniently away from my desk grabbing a cup of tea.
I conveniently return his call.
He asks me what my plans are for the up coming 3 day Memorial Day weekend.
"I'm going to be lazy.....by the pool...." in a sloooow drawl emphasizing just how lazy I plan to be.
"What are your weekend plans?"

He proceeds to tell me about his son coming in with his girlfriend that he's been seeing for like 8 months whom 'dad' has never met before. His son is going to college in the fall. "Good that I'm getting to meet her now before you have to break up with her...." His son didn't find the humor in that.
Then he tells me that his sister-in-law is a "kook" and is "certifiable" - as he continues to describe her, I interject, "Like a Real Housewife of Manhattan?" He replies, "Yeah....have you ever seen Nanny Diaries?" No, don't think I have. He gives me the movie synopsis, I add it to my NetFlix list, and then he goes back to talking about his sister-in-law and how she's got constant turn around on nannies - a new one every time they visit during holidays and such. And its more than likely due to some sort of disagreement (because sis-in-law is insane) and the nanny quits....not a "firing" as she likes to tout. He tells me some other family history stuff and stops and says, "That's probably all too much info...."
Then he tells me about how his 7 yr old girl comes up to him the other day and says, "C'mere, I want you to meet my 3 dogs." He follows her and she's got an empty carton of Gogurt yogurt, an empty box of veggie burgers, and an empty pill bottle all tied to leashes. She presents them and says, "Their names are Gogurt, Meat, and Pills."
Then he tells me that he upgraded his tv finally and bought a 55' Samsung LED - the one with the really cool hummingbird commercial. He can't get cable because he lives out in the sticks, and with DirectTV, he can't get a clear line in. So he has this nice big new TV and no HD glory to view with it. He tells me that DishNetwork is coming out later that afternoon and to wish him luck.
Then he says, "The real reason I called you...." and gets into reminding me about some work related stuff that needs to get done that we've all sort of slacked because its "not revenue generating".

When I hung up, I looked at the time stamp on my phone.
14mins, 40 seconds.
That conversation was better than coffee!!
I bet if he wrote a book, it would all run together, no need for chapters.
Like Denis Leary's.

Favorite Little Things

I daydream.

A lot.
A few weeks ago, I was looking out the window at a beautiful day and started thinking about the senses and what my favorites of each are. Here's the list I came up with:

Sense: Sight
1. The bright green, yellow, or red/orange of trees (depending on season) against a bright blue sky.
2. The moon.
3. How teeny tiny everything is when you're in an airplane or just really high up.
4. sunsets on the water.
5. snow falling.
6. Lightning

Sense: Smell
1. Rosemary
2. Fresh ginger
3. Banana or punkin bread
4. Hot steamy pavement after its just rained
5. Laundry detergents/soaps
6. The beach

Sense: Taste
1. Salt
2. BBQ Pork Buns
3. Chocolate
4. Mint
5. sushi/sashimi
6. Earl Grey tea

Sense: Sound
1. Laughter
2. a kick ass drum riff
3. a kick ass guitar riff
4. the Trouble Popomatic Bubble
5. a good breeze through the trees (heh, that rhymed)
6. what you hear when you open any NYC window.

Sense: Touch
1. Warm clothes out of the dryer (jeans & towels especially)
2. smooth hands on my back/neck
3. cold rinse after a hot shower
4. the feeling in your guts/chest when on a roller coaster or similar
5. driving with the top down. sun on skin and wind through hair.
6. skinny dipping


Sense: 6th
1. I will keep these to myself in an effort to keep the magic alive.

Offended

I'm sitting through this work training thing so I can knock it off my performance review list and the dude's talkin' about Virus and Worm Headlines over the past 10 years.

So why does a guy wearing a black t-shirt with an ink sleeve throwin' the goat have to represent viruses & worms??

Unless its Shannon Burke.

Then I'm not offended.

New Ink!! Water & Air

Birthday Presents

So, Matthew IMed me the other day. We were both working and it was probably late morning-ish when he sent me "OK....don't laugh....." That pretty much ruins it right off the bat and I'm guaranteed to laugh at whatever comes next.
He sends, "I'm doing research on colonics." YAY!!!
I said, "We can do that for my birthday!!"
So he sends me 2 links:
1. http://www.colonics4bodywellness.com/Colonics.html
2. http://www.sionewellnesscenter.com/colon.htm

I tell him that I'm totally down for it.

We're doing this super serious routine in training for our Alaska trip coming up in July. He wants to lose 20lbs in the next 60 days. I'd be happy to lose any and as much as I can over the next 60-80 days. We've been going to the gym every morning and he's been making it a 2nd time in the evening. My 2nd trips are here and there throughout the week depending on what's going on in the evenings.

So his colonic thing is in hopes that 1) it'll help detox all the crap he's eaten over the past 30someodd years that might be stuck and not wanting to come out and 2) will motivate him to keep a clean system and 3) to lose John Wayne size poo matter which will also reflect on the scale.
My hopes are that 1) it'll be cool to watch my poo traveling down a see-through tube. 2) feeling 10lbs lighter after getting a good clean gut flush and 3) to lose John Wayne size poo matter.

Seeings how our #3's are pretty much the same, I also hope that we'll be able to sit next to each other while its going on and we can see each other's tubes so we can race our John Wayne poo matter.

I will keep you posted on what comes up and if we get to do any sort of video, etc. Usually doctor's offices are against that whole thing because of law suits. But maybe Cloudy Logic will help us throw something together.
Also its been requested that afterwards, when I blog my experience that Matthew also includes his version of the experience on here as well.

Also for my birthday, I have requested the following:

1. A new mascot costume. Any animal will suffice. My chicken suit has gotten pretty worn out over the past 5 yrs.
2. 3 Olives RootBeer vodka
3. Fantasia on dvd
4. Carrotcake cupcakes
5. Entenmann's donuts (a must have every year - in wax chocolate and chocolate turd flavors)
6. A big ream of canvas would be cool
7. a naked man doing cartwheels and/or jumpingjacks
8. a date with Nathan Fillion and/or Jeremy Sisto
9. Nathan Fillion and/or Jeremy Sisto naked doing cartwheels and/or jumpingjacks
10. all the boys (Matt, Chad, Clint, Lewis, Jason, Tom, and JohnJohn) to get dressed up in tuxedos and play catch with a football within 3ft of each other like they did in "The Room" by Tommy Wiseau
11. a puppy
12. a hippo
13. a pegasus
14. a mermaid tail

I will include other additions as they come to me.
There are exactly 13 and a half shopping days left!!!

BOOKS!!

I've read quite a few books over the past month or so. Figured I should start giving reviews (aka. book reports).

Why We Suck: This was totally Denis Leary ranting - for about 200pgs. Seriously, I don't even know why he broke it up into chapters - it all sort of bled together, but it was a good funny read. My take aways are:
1. He hates Paris Hilton.
2. He's had a really interesting upbringing.
3. He hates Dr. Phil.
4. He really loves his wife.
5. His ADD entertains him.

This is a great book to give for Father's Day.
Matt & I went to see him back in April and the show was great. Yes, he sang "Asshole". He's done tremendous things via the Leary Firefighters Foundation. We've got a couple firefighter friends and they are amazing people. Hug one today.



Graveyard Book: This one I read because Willie is a huge Neil Gaiman fan and kept telling me about this one and Coraline and even last year when he told me that I had to read American Gods. Matt first introduced me to Neil Gaiman by telling me a little about the Sandman graphic novel and we saw Mirrormask and The Fountain when those came out. Neil's is an incredible story teller for both kids and adults. Most of his stuff has to do with a character crossing over into worlds/universes humans don't necessarily notice but are surrounded by at all times.
Neil says this one was inspired by The Jungle Book (heh...hence the title) and is about a boy who's parents get killed at the very beginning. His home becomes the nearby town graveyard and ghosts become his foster parents and guardians.
Adventure ensues.
I thought it was a little slow building but once you hit the halfway point, its all downhill from there and speeds up quite nicely. The Danse Macabre was my very favorite part.
Its quite good - one for the kiddies who love adventure and aren't afraid of the dark.





Dead Witch Walking: This one was a Christmas present from Matthew. Finally got around to reading it and it was really fun. At first I was like *eyeroll* "freakin' pixies?" but its a cool cop-like story only the cops are vampires, wereanimals and witches and....pixies (a boy pixy if that makes it any better and yes, he does say "Tink" at one point). There are fairies too and fairies and pixies don't get along too well. Its like a gang war out in the garden.
Anway, this book is first in the Hollow Series. Each of the books titled with a play on Clint Eastwood movie titles. Takes place in Cincinnati (further justifying my Ohio theory) and explains that vamps, witches, and the like have all been living among us - some in gov't, some as your next door neighbor....it only took a tomato virus epidemic to draw the line between them and humans. So now there are 2 rival agencies that work to take down the not-so-mythical creature law breakers and send agents out to right wrongs. Rachel is a witch who works for one of the agencies and gets mixed up with a bounty on her head and tangled in a city councilman drug ring scandal.
Overall this was a pretty cool read - the only part that bugged me was that Rachel, the witch, was so jumpy. If you're a badass witch that's seen all kinds of crazy stuff, would you still be jumpy?? I guess if you lived with a vampire, you might be. Reckon I'll find out more when the 2nd book comes in this weekend.


Currently reading "The Great and Secret Show" by Clive Barker. No opinion on it yet since I'm only on page 8. I actually got to page 12 yesterday at the gym but snapped myself out of a zone when I saw the word "medallion" and I was like, "wtf is going on??" so I had to go back to page 6 and reread all the weird stuff I'd just missed.
Stay tuned.

My cousin keeps telling me about these books by Karen Moning and is on my ass about reading them. So those will be soon - maybe after this one.
And then Pride & Prejudice & Zombies which everyone is talking about.
And then maybe it'll be time for our Alaska trip in July. I bought "The Historian" for traveling.

THE READING LIST IS LONG - BUT I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!!

Oh Shat!

In honor of the new Star Trek movie opening this weekend - and because my cousin has asked about it - here's my entry for the Shat Show that Uberbot will be holding whenever it reopens in it's new location.
Here's what I based it off of - one of my most fave Bill Shatner moments ever.

Cake + Salsa = Happiness

So I'm catching up today.
Been a little behind in posting stuff.
Cedric and Michelle came over a few weeks ago - mid April, I guess it was. And since I was feeling down, I requested a Michelle cake and some Cedric salsa to cheer me up. Here are pictures of each. The pirate ship cake was AWESOME and the Cedric salsa - ALWAYS good!!! Matt tried to do his chicken, chorizo, & queso blanco again - the idea is sortof like a mexican cordon bleu - but it didn't work out too well. He said next time he would put me on queso patrol. We'll take pictures of the next attempt. That attempt will be the 3rd....and oh yes, it will be victorious.