Friday, June 20, 2025

Childhood Reminiscing and Current Events

In recent years, I've become hyperaware of my patterns and cycles, and going back through these old posts...damn, they're so highlighted, it's almost embarrassing. Almost.

In the past few weeks, there have been signs and synchronicities that ask the question:

 "What were you into as a child?"

And just today, listening to a podcast, they were discussing being kids and tape recording silly skits and doing kid shows or writing interview scripts and recording them with their siblings and buddies.

As I was editing a couple of videos for Pulp City Magazine, I started thinking about my first Kodak camera, and commandeering my dad's tape recorder and writing silly plays and radio shows with my brother or just recording us while we played with matchbox cars and his racetracks, or with my bestie, April, while we played with my Grandpa Dollhouse or Barbies. Some of those dumb pics I still have. I wish I still had those tapes.


As soon as my mom's church, where she worked, updated her office computer, that old DOS machine became mine and came with a dot matrix printer. It looked like this one but had yellow/gold type.

I journaled on that thing for years and printed it all out before we updated our home computer. The printer wasn't calibrated and printed over the page perforations, so I have the 100+ pages all still mostly intact. Maybe we'll go down that memory lane for like, Throwback Thursdays or something. 

It's been fun working at 903 Mills Market* and talking with the kids about how great a time it was to be alive during BetaMax vs VHS and dial-up internet and watching music flow from vinyl records, to 8-track tapes, to cassette tapes, to CDs, minidisk players, .WAV players to mp3 players (and listing all the streaming download sites), and then so many of us came back to vinyl. 

Point is, I've always been into media.

In the past 10+ years, I've come through for a lot of you, but I've also failed on some projects because I let myself get distracted by life instead of focusing on the work.

I apologize to those of you I've failed or disappointed. I apologize to me too.

I admit to the self-sabotage and have been doing the work to make changes and put an end to certain cycles and patterns, and in turn, finding a peaceful balance and a renewed sense of ambition, motivation, and inspiration.

And so now, I'm on this incredible startup team for Pulp City and we did our first food feature yesterday and it feels so good to be back in it. I went in thinking it was just going to be me & Dom with a couple of cameras, and then, all of a sudden, we had a 4 person crew with so much being covered. It was an absolute dream come true. Seeing the footage they were getting and being able to put together a really good idea about how to cut it, and how great we all worked together....  It was just really inspiring and we're so excited to show you the things we've been working on.  We're slated to launch next month for Orlando's 150th birthday!

If you're a local business owner or know someone with a local business, get in touch with us and we'll do something fun together!!!

---------------------------

*I'll tell you stories and introduce you to my 903 Mills Market family very soon. They're the best.

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Now You're Just Somebody That Used To Blog


 Whoa, guys. 
Remember us back in the day
I might be a li'l dizzy and full of reignited joy in this moment. 
Is our spark sparkin'?


The last time I blogged here was 2018?  Dang.
How've you been?

I just logged into here, fucked around, and found a writing from New Year 2019 that was pretty brutal to read.
It made me proud of my 2019 self to have written so much when things were just....not as they appeared in this black mirror. 
Subscribe for Part 2!!! 
I'm just kidding. That's not why we're here. 
But I may or may not share that whole story very soon. Along with some others. 
Or maybe I won't. We'll see...

I've been thinking a lot about all the things.
Life. Death. Art. 
Tonight has been a time capsule of some of the things.
The past few years have been a massive observation and evolution.
It's all been a fascinating study of the human experience. I do hope that sharing some of my experiences might help you with navigating or validating your own learning experience.
You are not alone, sweet friend.
This life is for learning. It is not a competition. It is a co-creation.
It is a test in patience and surrender.

Also... Happy Father's Day. 


Here's what I'm thinking: 
We're gonna bring Brainure back. 
And we're gonna talk about this chapter of our lives. 
We can talk about anything here.
This is a safe space to process all of this and learn from life...Together.
I can't wait to have conversations and catch up with you.

Friday, September 7, 2018

The Return of Friday Jams

I was doing some video work this morning and remembered that Pogo is still out there doing shit.
So I went and looked him up and there was this video that he dropped recently:


And then my youtube just autoplayed Pogo.
So I'm having a very Pogo day and it's making me sooooo fuckin' happy.
I think he'd make some of you happy, too.
Don't think I won't tag you at some point if you sleep on this.

And honestly, I have Terribly Odd to thank for my intro to Pogo a bunch of years ago.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

An Explanation -or- You Probably Think This Post Is About You

FOREWARD: If you want the full experience you have to click links and listen to music and pay attention to lyrics and read and shit like that.

If you don't wanna do any of that...byeeeeeeeeeeeee


If you do, HI!. Welcome to me.

******************************************

Intro theme song for this:





One of my facebook posts from last weekend:
I have so many things to say and it hurts to not really be able to

The replies and comments:

  • Are you ok? *
  • Here, try this [insert self-care advice and/or creative outlets]
  • Start blogging again!
  • We're here for you.
  • Call me if you need to talk.

....and then the family gossip that my mom told me about. 
Because they check in with her instead of talking with me about it directly, but that’s another story for another time. **

Let’s be real - do you think that I’m the type of person to put out a call for serious help on fucking facebook? I know how to use a goddamn phone AND how to reach you in case of any sort of real emergency.

I’ve vented there, yes.
I’ve looked for attention there, yes. 
Isn't that what it's there for? The giving and receiving of attention.
I’ve somewhat opened up about certain feels there once or twice, sure. Who hasn't? There are a lot of us going through the same stuff and when we find each other relatable in low times it really is so comforting.
We’re all a bit hypersensitive and moody AF in these years, and I do appreciate you reaching out, those of you who did. You are the wind beneath my wings.

But SO MANY times, I’ve bottled up super hilarious quips and insanely ridiculous comments, too. Usually because having to explain it sucks the funny out and by then they’ve probably missed their moments, or it would take 20mins to explain and would only make sense to me anyway.
It’s called a filter. Some of you have them, too.
Others don’t…you cheeky bastards.

Let me put it to you another way.
I read this article years ago about popcorn brain. Google it.
Go ahead – I’ll give you a minute…don't be lazy. Just do it.

So, after the last 20+years living the majority of my life online, when I’m in conversations with people out in the “meat world”, and especially after a few drinks, and with you all on my phone and so accessible due to the loveliest of all inventions: Social Media…I tend to pop off at the mouth occasionally when I can’t contain ALL the bottlenecked thoughts that are rattling around the old noggin.
When I popped off last Saturday, I was in a fiiiiiiiine place which was almost entirely full of face hurting laughter and running into interesting characters. I have witnesses.

I’ll end this with 3 things:

  •        Because my ramblings tend to take more than anyone really wants to read on facebook***
  •        Because some of you have been poking me about this for a while 
  •        Because I know it’ll help me to have this outlet which, who fuckin’ knows, might also help some of you.

I’m rebooting/reigniting my blog.




*dammit, I really wish my name were Annie now
**except you Deb. Thank you. Was nice chatting with you. and I don't blame them, cuz Janet kinda really fuckin' rules.
***it makes for good toilet reading in the morning


Outro theme song for this:



-->

Monday, February 22, 2016

When The Dust Settles

    “Sssshhhh, sssshhhhh, baby, it’s okay, baby. Ssssshhhhh, sssssshhhhh”, Sarah said as she sat on the dirt floor with her newborn son held against her chest and rocked him back and forth. The ceiling and slats of the siding of the house were shaking and Sarah didn’t know how long they’d hold. She’d only had a couple of weeks with baby Michael before the wild black winds kicked up. There’d been no time to prepare for such a force of nature. They’d had previous dust and sand storms that came through these plains, weeks of them, but nothing like what was now seen through the bubbled glass windows of their small farmland house. There was no way this ramshackle shelter would stand against the dry relentless winds that were blowing through so incredibly hard. It had gotten so dark, so fast. The sun had completely disappeared and it was only mid-afternoon, a good 3 or 4 hours left of sunlight on a normal day. The temperature dropped and the air chilled without the sun’s warmth. Sarah thought it looked like the end of days outside after a glance through one of the windows, vowing to herself that she wouldn’t look again and drew closed the thin fabric of the curtains she’d sewn. She had been proud of those curtains. They were the first things she put up in an attempt to make the tiny two-room house a home just after she and John were married. He was a good, proud, and hearty land worker who’d left Sarah and their new son for a meeting with a man in New Mexico about work. John was eager to provide Sarah and Michael with a new chapter for their lives together. Sarah wondered how far John made it before the black winds found him. Her chest felt heavy thinking about where he’d have to stop and take cover and if he was ok, where ever he was.
     It started off as such a perfect Sunday. The skies so clear blue and the sun shining after not having seen it for weeks. Sarah busied herself with hanging the laundry outside and John packed up the jalopy and left that morning. He and Sarah had decided they were done with being Oklahoma land owners and were excited to find something new further west. The weather that year, and especially over the last few weeks, just wasn’t accommodating for working the soil and the drought, which had hit the year they got married, proved to be too harsh. John and Sarah were fully committed to each other and were able to stay optimistic through it all. The cattle that John brought with him were all gone after the first wave of dust storms came through. Their lungs had basically filled with mud from breathing in the fine dust of top soils and silt that constantly drifted through the atmosphere. 
Michael’s arrival had stalled their first plans to move west and Sarah had to power through the last few months while John fought to keep his new family afloat after the livestock and crops were all gone. They’d wanted children and were pleasantly surprised when they found out that Sarah was pregnant with Michael and that he’d be a spring baby. Both John and Sarah had never felt so revived and renewed and Michael’s birth had gone so smoothly, as if he was just as eager to be in this world and in this new life. John cried when he’d first gazed upon his son and he looked at Sarah with a new found appreciation and respect. Sarah absolutely glowed throughout the process and fell in love with the little human she and John created. She was so grateful and felt so blessed to be Michael’s mother and saw in John’s eyes that he’d do anything and everything for them.
     She looked down at Michael, swaddled in the quilt she’d made in the months before he came. His face was partially covered to protect him from the dust that made its way into the house. Her eyes welled up and a tear landed on the only spot of Michael’s forehead that was exposed between folds of fabric. Where the tear landed, the dust in the air collected and stuck to it. Fine wisps of silt were raining in through the ceiling and Sarah noticed a bow in some of the boards where the dirt outside was so heavily weighted against the wall boards that they bent inward slightly. The smell of the kerosene lamp got stronger as it filtered through the cloth that Sarah had draped over her face. Michael started crying again. Sarah slowly moved her hand to Michael’s face. She covered his nose and mouth and said, “Ssssshhhh, ssssshhhh, baby. It’s OK, baby. Ssssshhhh.”


--------------
I wrote this after studying Dorothea Lange in a photography class and started researching The Dust Bowl and Black Sunday in the '30s.
In one article, it was reported that a survivor had admitted that she'd contemplated killing her newborn just to spare him the environmental hell they were living in.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Poetry - Femme Fatale

The assignment was to write a haiku, a sonnet, and something in open form. I've never been a huge fan of writing poetry because I never thought I was very good at it, but really grew to appreciate it after this assignment. My sonnet is a bit of a stumble but the requirements are all there. I was inspired by Patrick Nagel and Velvet Underground this particular night while doing homework.



-Haiku-

She wore her heels high
But made no sound while walking
'Til it was too late

-Sonnet-

They walked together having found true love
A close step behind, followed his best friend
He dreamt of cupping her supple rear end
And eyed those pants that fit her like a glove
A young beauty, wearing severe high heels
Yellow hair and bright blood red on her lips
Twisted triangle of relationships
A vixen in slinky smooth fabric peels
She was aware of her affect on him
The moves she made calculated, precise
They were caught one time, their whispers concise
The secrets they shared, founded on a whim
A call too close, the decision was made
To save her love, his friend's light had to fade

-Open Form-

She spritzed on her perfume
Lined her eyes with black
And slicked on some red
Shiny lacquered nails
Two stabs through her earlobes
Glimmered and dazzled
Her foot fall echoed and sharp

A match struck
The wisp of sulfur
The taste of tobacco and cloves mixed with gin and tonic
A charming laugh tinkling like ice in a glass after a delightful compliment
Pop culture filled polite conversation merged into backgrounds and upbringings and stifled vitriol
A lovely evening then soured, rotted, and ruined by shallow snobbery
Ignorant, arrogant, and rude

Quick sharp echoing steps
A frenzied retreat through black moving shadows and white steaming sidewalks
The silent transition
Between hunter and prey
He'd started the night as the hunter.

Friday, December 11, 2015

Photo Prompt - The American Contract

We were provided with 5 photos to pick from and write a story segment about. It didn't have to be a finished story, but it did need to be between 500 to 600 words.
This is the picture I chose and the words that followed.

The American Contract


I've been sitting here with my bitter black coffee in this cafe for about 30 minutes. The smell of coffee beans and toasted bread is in the air. The street lights have just come on against the crisp autumn evening of the city. The bicycle bells are starting to diminish but the sound of the train is still going strong nearby. The church bells all rang about an hour ago when I was trailing the denim wearing fellow down a few side streets. He ducked into the building across from where I'm sitting in this cafe, essentially becoming invisible due to security badges and metal detector body scans being a requirement in order to follow. I'm slightly pissed at feeling under prepared. This assignment is no different than jobs I've taken previously. When the message comes through and I take a job, there's usually just an initial date and time to pick up the trail, a grainy photo, boosted from a security camera, and a time frame for how long I'm supposed to trail the mark. Most of the time, the jobs are only a day or two. The longest was about 23 days. I've never had a contract last longer than a month. My job is to simply document movements and routines and remain completely inconspicuous. I rarely ever know the reason for the job. I don't ask questions and appreciate the income.

The waiter that first brought over my coffee has forgotten about me already. The coffee cup is empty and instead of looking for someone to refill, my eyes fall upon an old salty fellow in the dark corner of the room. He's got a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket and his jacket is hanging on a hook to the side of the table. He's reading a book which is lit by a single white candle in a pewter holder, and I can see only half of his wrinkled grey bearded face. For a brief moment, I consider what his internal voice sounds like as he's reading.

In my peripheral vision, I see a familiar shape exit the building across the street. My mark is on the move and immediately, I'm glad the waiter has forgotten me since I'd already been getting lost in my thoughts without that second cup of coffee.  I leave a few coins on the table and head towards the door, keeping an eye on my mark through the glass as I exit.

I'm supposed to be trailing this guy, I'm assuming is American because of his jeans, for a Monday through Friday contract, but he's moving faster than the usual 5 day gig.

I've only been to America once, to Disney World with my family, back when I was a kid and we were still a family. I remember there being giant stores full of denim. I vowed to never wear denim. My look is efficient and forgettable - I own exactly 7 black shirts, 7 pairs of black leggings, 2 pairs of black boots, and 2 black jackets; one sporty, one leather, and 3 black hoodies, and a drawer full of black socks and underwear - the boring kind you can buy in a pack of 5 at a time. It's easier to hide in the shadows and/or blend into the crowd wearing all black. It makes me feel invisible and as a result, I've never been made during a job.

My American denim wearer is walking briskly through a higher traffic touristy area and ducks into a coffee shop. I stop in an alley way across the street and light a cigarette.I've been sitting here with my bitter black coffee in this cafe for about 30 minutes. The smell of coffee beans and toasted bread is in the air. The street lights have just come on against the crisp autumn evening of the city. The bicycle bells are starting to diminish but the sound of the train is still going strong nearby. The church bells all rang about an hour ago when I was trailing the denim wearing fellow down a few side streets. He ducked into the building across from where I'm sitting in this cafe, essentially becoming invisible due to security badges and metal detector body scans being a requirement in order to follow. I'm slightly pissed at feeling under prepared. This assignment is no different than jobs I've taken previously. When the message comes through and I take a job, there's usually just an initial date and time to pick up the trail, a grainy photo, boosted from a security camera, and a time frame for how long I'm supposed to trail the mark. Most of the time, the jobs are only a day or two. The longest was about 23 days. I've never had a contract last longer than a month. My job is to simply document movements and routines and remain completely inconspicuous. I rarely ever know the reason for the job. I don't ask questions and appreciate the income.

The waiter that first brought over my coffee has forgotten about me already. The coffee cup is empty and instead of looking for someone to refill, my eyes fall upon an old salty fellow in the dark corner of the room. He's got a pack of cigarettes in his shirt pocket and his jacket is hanging on a hook to the side of the table. He's reading a book which is lit by a single white candle in a pewter holder, and I can see only half of his wrinkled grey bearded face. For a brief moment, I consider what his internal voice sounds like as he's reading.

In my peripheral vision, I see a familiar shape exit the building across the street. My mark is on the move and immediately, I'm glad the waiter has forgotten me since I'd already been getting lost in my thoughts without that second cup of coffee.  I leave a few coins on the table and head towards the door, keeping an eye on my mark through the glass as I exit.

I'm supposed to be trailing this guy, I'm assuming is American because of his jeans, for a Monday through Friday contract, but he's moving faster than the usual 5 day gig.

I've only been to America once, to Disney World with my family, back when I was a kid and we were still a family. I remember there being giant stores full of denim. I vowed to never wear denim. My look is efficient and forgettable - I own exactly 7 black shirts, 7 pairs of black leggings, 2 pairs of black boots, and 2 black jackets; one sporty, one leather, and 3 black hoodies, and a drawer full of black socks and underwear - the boring kind you can buy in a pack of 5 at a time. It's easier to hide in the shadows and/or blend into the crowd wearing all black. It makes me feel invisible and as a result, I've never been made during a job.

My American denim wearer is walking briskly through a higher traffic touristy area and ducks into a coffee shop. I stop in an alley way across the street and light a cigarette.