Saturday, October 23, 2010

Halloween Movies - Bay Cove (1987) (alternatively titled: Bay Coven)

Plot: Newlyweds move to a town full of witches. Someone will die. And chanting. (more here)

Play by play: It was a dark and stormy night. Some old dude walks into a church and a priest sneaks up behind him and scares him (this would scare anyone....good thing this guy is old).
He says, "Forgive me, I must confess." and the nerd priest asks, "Would you like to make a confession?" (so we know he doesn't actually care since he's not listening).
They go into confession and the old dude starts in.
As he's talking, the Priest gets up to leave. (See? Told you he didn't care.)
Right then a bolt of lighting hits the steeple and shoots down through the church blowing up the confessional with the old dude in it.
The Priest survives.
Roll opening credits.
Now we're at the top of a high rise and some poofy haired lady with blue eye shadow is talking to a bunch of men about how going over files were keeping her up late at night. She leaves and gets on an elevator and some cheesy music is playing while the credits are still rolling.
She's must be really important cuz the elevator ride is a long way down.
She gets home to her apartment and calls for her mop dog Rufus.
She opens the blinds and starts undressing in front of the window. (Matt does the same when he gets home from the gym. Won't you be our neighbor?)
She continues undressing and goes upstairs where Tim Matheson scares her half to death when he rattles his tumbler glass of ice.
They talk about his bad day (because everything has to be about him) and she tries to make out with him but he keeps bitching about how he's gone from blue collar to white collar & has no callouses anymore. (WAH!!)
She tells him to do something about it and then they go back to making out.
In post-coital cuddle, some dude walks in downstairs and gives Rufus a hug. (red rocket)
Its Woody Harrelson....duh.
He asks if he's interrupting something when Tim Matheson and Poofyhair peek their heads over the wall all smiles to say hi.
Woody Harrelson and Tim Matheson high five. (sweet)
Woody's holding a banana and asks about souffle. (clearly gay)
Poofyhair remembers that she forgot about cooking class.
Tim Matheson bitches about how Woody Harrelson has never cooked for him & PoofyHair. (damn Tim Matheson bitches a lot.)
Poofyhair tells the fellas that she got a promotion.
They go out to celebrate.

Close-up on a lounge singer and her band playing some sleepy ass song in a dark smokey room.
(Man, these guys really know how to celebrate.)
They're with some couple friends now. Poor Woody Harrelson's the 5th wheel.
One of the couple friends is a guy I recognize.....
HOLY SHIT - ITS JEFF CONAWAY!!
So weird to see him not in Grease and (relatively) sober.
They're all sitting on top of each other so they can all fit in the shot and are talkin' about "Devlin Island".
Apparently, this is the first time meeting Jeff Conaway and his wife....even though they're sitting in each other's laps.
Pffft...swingers.
Woody Harrelson tells the table he once went to Devlin Island and got poison ivy all over everywhere. (so did my cousin recently.)
Poofyhair and Woody Harrelson go slow dance and he reminds her of when they kissed back in the day. (oh, its one of THOSE kind of 'friend'ships. the love triangle kind).
Pffft....swingers.
The sleepy ass lounge singer (who happens to be Cree Summer from 'Different World' and 'Tiny Toons') is singin' a song about crying.
(Cuz nothing says, "its a celebration, bitches" like a song about crying.)
The song ends (yay) and everyone claps (yay).
Poofyhair sits down at the table and Woody Harrelson leaves (don't blame him).
The table goes back to talking about Devlin Island and a community called Bay Cove that's on the island.
Jeff Conaway and his wife sweet talk Tim Matheson and Poofyhair into going to see a man about a place.

Tim Matheson & Poofyhair get in an argument about buying a new place on the way back home to their apartment. City vs Island full of evil. hmmmm
(Bitch, bitch, bitch....that's all this dude does.)

They go see a man about a place and he hypes up one in particular, currently owned by an old woman who'll move to the cottage out back. (not weird at all)
He shows them pictures and because they're city people in the 80s, they drool all over the pictures. Everyone knows you should make decisions based on looks alone.....duh.
They agree to go see the place the next day.

They get to the island and some snaggletoothed dude looks at them through binoculars and runs inside a beach house.
They walk through a big open field and I'm distracted by the size of Poofyhair's shoulder pads, so I have no idea what they're talking about but its not that important. Realtor crap, I'm sure.

June Cleaver walks out the front door (awww, how appropriate, she just died recently, RIP). She greets Tim Matheson and Poofyhair & shows them around the house.
Poofyhair opens a window (without permission, they haven't bought yet) and picks up a book and opens it to a pentagram/zodiac page (= EVIL!!).
June Cleaver tells Poofyhair that the book she's holding was her late husband's favorite and some scary sound effect plays.
They all go upstairs to check things out and June Cleaver is talking about how she has no other relatives and she had to sell all of her antiques.
Then they go out back and she points to the cottage she's already moved into.
Back inside, Tim Matheson insists on seeing the basement (probably so he can bitch about that too).
There's a locked door down there and June Cleaver says it was her late husband's work room and that she never goes in, but is sure the key is somewhere. Poofyhair (the smartypants) looks at it and says, "There's no keyhole" but no one's listening (just the like priest at the beginning) and they go back upstairs.
Tim Matheson and Poofyhair walk off to discuss the place. Tim Matheson is all excited but Poofyhair is a bit hesitant.
For the first time since the movie started (we're almost 20mins in), Tim Matheson isn't bitching about something.
Poofyhair turns her business lady on and they talk finances and decide to take it.
Everyone's happy. (yay)
Gawd, I hope they don't celebrate again.
Poofyhair looks up to see an old man with porkchops sitting in a wheelchair in a window (have no idea what window). He shakes his head at her and wheels himself backwards out of view.
Poofyhair turns and walks away.

Now they've moved in and are unpacking.
(Wait - she didn't even ask about old man Porkchops??? What the hell.)
Tim Matheson is bitching again. (aaaahhhh....that feels better)
They start making out on the kitchen floor after talking baseball cards & interjecting courtroom lingo. (is it hot in here?)
They hear a noise and get up to see who's wandering around in their house.
A shadowy couple is standing at the door holding a cat and a basket.
(separately....the cat's not in the basket. nor is the basket in the cat.)
They've brought a house warming gift (the basket, not the cat).
Introductions...blah blah blah. They're the Kline's from next door.
(Where the hell is Rufus?? Didn't he get to move? Did the neighbors eat him already?
Wait....do they even have Korean neighbors?)
Mrs. Kline & her cat request to be shown around by Poofyhair.
When the women leave the room, Mr. Kline gives Tim Matheson a book about the history of the island.
(awww jeez....the splitting up of men & women. this is how Amway discussions get started, too)
The men rejoin the women and they continue with more small talk and insist on a house warming by the end of the week.
Behind them, June Cleaver is chasing Rufus around with a broom. (oh, THERE he is)
Rufus makes some weird noises at the neighbors and they & June Cleaver all leave the house.
Tim Matheson and Poofyhair go back to making out.

Poofyhair is at the window (not undressing this time) and sees Old Man Porkchops through the window of the house next door.
While standing on the window SEAT (not called a window STAND), Poofyhair notices a squeaky board and pries it up to look inside. She reaches in and pulls out a rosary.

Now Poofyhair is sitting on the couch reading a book by the fireplace. Rufus jumps out of some potted plants and scares Poofyhair.
She takes him out for a walk.
She sees Old Man Porkchops in the window again and walks to the side of June Cleaver's cottage to peek in the window. Perv.
June Cleaver is wearing all black and is standing in the mirror. She turns around & Poofyhair drops out of sight.
Rufus and the cat start making noise.
Poofyhair goes to find that Rufus has knocked over a trash can at the neighbor's house. (man these houses are really close together)
Mr. Kline (a character actor I recognize but can't place) comes out and scolds Poofyhair for having a dog.
(just looked him up and Mr. Kline was Doogie Howser's DAD!! hahaha)
Poofyhair apologizes and Mr. Kline goes back inside.
She walks through everyone's yard to get back to her house and hears a didgeridoo playing and turns around slowly. The didgeridoo noise turns out to be voices chanting.
Poofyhair's flashlight beam lands on a girl wearing a black dress.
The flashlight goes out & the chanting stops.
The girl has disappeared.
Poofyhair looks around, picks up Rufus, and goes back inside.

Now its daytime and Tim Matheson and Poofyhair are walking on the beach with Jeff Conaway and his wife and she's telling them about Mr. Kline from the night before & then mentions creepy Old Man Porkchops & the chanting she heard. Jeff Conaway's wife dismisses it as "wind".
They lounge around in the sand and Tim Matheson is reading from his witch book.
They realize Bay Cove came from Bay Coven (they deserve a gold star) and go walking around the island again.
They see a broken down old church & graveyard.
Tim Matheson looks it up in his book.
Poofyhair sees a grave stone with June Cleaver's family name on it.
They all talk about it for a minute and walk off.
They walk up to the beach house by the dock and Rufus won't go inside.
Inside, the snaggletooth fellow is moving around jars full of things floating in formaldehyde.
They poke around in there for a while and Tim Matheson tells everyone to go through a door that leads to a basement, except it just keeps going to an underground cave where there are candles & another pentagram (= EVIL!!)
"Maybe we should get outta here" but they keep going.
They see a couple of metal buckets mounted on a post, Tim Matheson goes to touch it and it makes a weird noise, then the snaggletoothed dude behind them yells, "What's going on here!?"
Everyone turns around and Snaggletooth scolds them for being in a "historical site" even though he saw them walk down the stairs just moments ago when he was moving jars around.
He demands tickets?? (was there an admission fee) and Jeff Conaway & wife pay him. (confused....I'm gonna try that trick out in the world & see if people will just give me money when I ask for tickets)
Poofyhair touches the post with metal buckets and no noise happens.
Snaggletooth leaves them & they all follow him out after a minute.

Outside, Poofyhair discovers that Rufus is gone off his leash where she left him.
(damn Koreans)
They run around and start calling out for him and see the Kline's, June Cleaver, and a Jeep.
Apparently, the Kline's ran over & killed Rufus and put a blanket over him.
Poofyhair cries & picks up the blanket pile with dead Rufus in it (which is WAY bigger than Rufus would've been).
She walks off with it and it looks like she's carrying a small child in those blankets.

Woody Harrelson walks up the front yard and a window slams shut.
He goes to knock on the door, but June Cleaver opens it before he has a chance to.
He asks for Poofyhair and June Cleaver gets up in his face like WHAT?!? Seriously.....she's a space invader. And finally a pause photo worth taking.

She insists that Poofyhair is resting and just keeps smiling at him.
Woody Harrelson yells up at the window for Poofyhair and she sticks her head out the window and tells him to come on in. (SUCK IT, JUNE CLEAVER!!)
Woody Harrelson walks into the house and shuts the door in June Cleaver's face.
She continues to smile. (and GAWH, she's so damn cute, how can you be mad at her?!?)

Poofyhair & Woody Harrelson flirt and talk about how strange the neighborhood is & how "distant" Tim Matheson has gotten since Rufus died. They go outside so Poofyhair can show Woody Harrelson where Old Man Porkchops sits in the window except he's not there.
Woody Harrelson goes back to flirting with her in the guise of comforting her. She tells him he's the only one she's talked to about the weird stuff going on (except for Jeff Conaway's wife).
They hug and Tim Matheson walks out with June Cleaver. BUSTED!!
Tim Matheson reminds Poofyhair that she has a lot of work to do before the party.
(oh jeezus....another celebration)
Woody Harrelson says he's gonna go walk around the island a little and will be back in time for the party. (oh poor poor Woody....doomed.)
Tim Matheson and Poofyhair go inside and argue about the party and then he gets a goofy smile on his face and says he sold his business.
(oh jeezus...another ANOTHER celebration)
Poofyhair stares at him in disbelief and gets mad they didn't talk it over first.

Meanwhile, Woody Harrelson finds that rickety old church & graveyard on the beach.
(Who the hell burries bodies on a beach??)
He pokes around there, nothing happens, & he walks away.

Poofyhair goes to that beach house with the jars and cave basement.
She picks up some black candles (this place is the witches store, I'm guessing? even though it hasn't been mentioned since Jeff Conaway was blathering on about it's history) & asks Snaggletooth if he has any pink or blue candles. He walks to a shelf, picks up 1 white & 1 pink and hands them to her.

Now she's back at the house and chopping cauliflower while wearing a red party dress.
(her hair is even poofier)
Woody Harrelson walks in and starts talkin' to Poofyhair about the island.
Poofyhair hands him the cleaver (not June Cleaver) and cauliflower and tells him to chop.
He asks about where the island people bury themselves since no one's been buried in the beach since 1783.
While they're talking that girl from the night of didgeridoos walks up.
They try to talk to her.
She just stares at them and walks outside.
(little bitch)
Woody Harrelson grabs Poofyhair's arm and says he needs to talk to her.
Tim Matheson yells through the window that everyone's waiting. (cockblocked AGAIN!!)
Outside the Kline's gather everyone for an announcement.
The bitchy little silent girl hangs on to Woody Harrelson's sleeve.
Mr. Kline says he wants Tim Matheson and Poofyhair to stay forever. Everyone claps. (yay)
Tim Matheston gives a brief 'thank you' speech and the phone rings.
He leaves to get the phone.
June Cleaver is serving tea.
Woody Harrelson asks Poofyhair about June Cleaver and Poofyhair tells him what she knows.
He tells her that he's gonna look into the island folks.
Tim Matheson comes back out and tells Woody Harrelson that the phone's for him.

June Cleaver is quilting. Each quilt square has a name and life years sewn in it. One square says "Bay Coven" and she's working on Mr. Kline's quilt square.
She says its over 300 yrs old.
Another silent kid wearing a sailor suit lookin' like Donald Duck walks up behind Poofyhair and hands her a dead bird.
(little asshole)
Woody Harrelson walks up and asks if Poofyhair has seen his scarf and tells her that he has to go cuz his mother is in the hospital.
(the witches have your scarf, Woody!!! you're gonna get dead!!)
Poofyhair asks Mr. Kline if Woody Harrelson borrow the Jeep to get to the ferry quicker.
(stupid)
Woody Harrelson gets in and goes to back it up, but the gas pedal magically goes to the floor and he's uncontrollably driving fast in reverse....towards a cliff.
He grabs his hat.
The Jeep sails off the cliff and into a ravine leading down towards the beach.
(what's with the fuckin' ravines??)
Then the Jeep blows up.
(day just got worse)
Poofyhair yells his name in slow-mo and makes this face:
Cut to Tim Matheson sitting at a table on the patio.
Poofyhair is wearing a lawyer suit with more giant shoulder pads and a popped collar. She pours them coffee, sits down, and looks off into the distance.
She talks about how Woody Harrelson's mother wasn't even in the hospital.
Tim Matheson don't care. He's drawing up some crap on some paper.
She tells him to look at her. He gets all pissy (bitch, bitch, bitch) and looks at her. She tells him "something's happening to us" & "you've changed". He rubs his head (obviously a sign of exhaustion and frustration) and says he's been selfish and starts crying. "blah, blah, don't wanna lose you, wimper, blah"
Poofyhair shows concern, the doorbell rings, then she leaves for work.

At work, some poofyhaired asian chick with a squeaky voice is blathering on about some work crap & putting on makeup.
(too many giant shoulderpads....can't....pay attention..to...anything else....)
Poofyhair (not the asian one with the squeaky voice) gets called in to the boss's office to talk about zoning on Devlin Island.
He tells Poofyhair to stay out there and make friends for the next couple of weeks so the island folks won't get pissed off about new zoning and higher taxes.
Then he congratulates her(?) and she gets on the elevator for the long ride back down to earth.

She stops in the real estate office to see that realtor dude but some old guy with giant glasses tells her she's mistaken....that he's the man she's looking for. They have the same last name.
She says she's looking for a younger guy.
(*yawn* this guy is just an old version of the realtor guy we saw earlier.....duh. The people on the island don't die, their ages fluctuate because they've eaten Woody Harrelson and Rufus to stay young.)
Poofyhair looks confused, apologizes, then goes home.

At home, she finds Tim Matheson burning some crap in the backyard.
He's burning his old baseball cards they were making out all over back when they first met the Klines.
She tells him about her confusion over the realestate dude and points out all the unexplained weirdness that's happened so far. Her solution is to sell the house and move back to the city.
He says, "no." and grabs her by the shoulderpads and talks her down while blowing her off at the same time.
Then he walks away. (husband of the year)

Its night time and a kid is riding a bicycle during the full moon.
(WEREBIKE!!)
Poofyhair is sitting outside....presumably enjoying the night air. (who knows, she may be confused by that, too.)
That Donald Duck lookin' kid rides up on his midget tricycle.
(WERETRIKE!!)
She asks him a question and don't you know that little bastard says somethin' this time.
She tells him that she had a bad day and that little shit tells her "Don't, worry. It'll all be over soon." and rides off into the darkness. (great, confuse her more)

She notices Donald Duck's wearin' Woody Harrelson's scarf and runs after him.
She peers into the darkness looking for him & she doesn't find him cuz he's snuck up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder bein' a smart ass.
THEN he rides off...into more darkness.

Now its the Kline's anniversary party and Donald Duck's dumbass is grabbin' a big ass piece of cake with his damn dirty hands.
He's not wearing Woody Harrelson's scarf.
Everyone's talking and having a good time.
The women are quilting.
That silent little girl is serving tea.
Poofyhair and Jeff Conaway's wife start gossiping about their husbands.
Poofyhair says she doesn't see Tim Matheson until he gets into bed at night.
They giggle at the idea of Tim Matheson having an affair with June Cleaver.
Jeff Conaway's wife says she notices that Jeff Conaway is acting strange & they both say they're glad they have each other.
*airkiss* (I added that part)
They leave to go snoop around the house.
Poofyhair and Jeff Conaway's wife wind up in the Kline's bedroom and start rooting through their stuff calling it weird. (totally deserve whatever they get)
They check out the quilt on the bed which says that Mr. & Mrs. Kline were betrothed in 1703.
"That's strange".....more confusion.
Poofyhair reminds Jeff Conaway's wife about all the strange things happening in town and says "maybe that explains it". (maybe what explains what?!?! you haven't come up with any ideas for what might explain their weird age thing or why Woody Harrelson and your dog's died!!!)
(stupid.)
Mr. Kline walks in and busts them.
They blame it on the quilt and Poofyhair grabs some crap off the dresser like she's sneaky and they leave the room.

Poofyhair is checkin' out Old Man Porkchops in the window and then goes and wakes up Tim Matheson to tell him about the "weirdest thing" she's ever said in her whole life....but that she thinks the Kline's are over 300yrs old.
She shows him the crap she grabbed while she was playing cat burglar.
Its a bottle of gray hair dye. She tells him Mr. Kline uses it to look older since he doesn't actually get any older. He looks at the bottle and it says brown, not gray.
(daft cow)
He takes her next door to the Kline's to go ask them if they're really 300yrs old.
In the middle of the night.
After a party where she got caught pokin' around their room.
Mr. Kline shows Poofyhair his driver's license, Poofyhair shows some doubt, everyone makes her look stupid, (awkward), then they go home and back to bed.

The next morning, Poofyhair is dressed in her giant shoulderpads again and thinks she's going to the office in the city but her old man boss tells her to stay put.
She decides to read the pentagram (=EVIL!!) book out on the patio.
June Cleaver is putting up laundry to dry.
Poofyhair asks her where her dead husband was buried. The beach graveyard, duh.
Poofyhair goes to the beach graveyard and spins around in circles, looking confused.
A grave stone magically pops up in the sand behind her.
She walks back up to the house where she sees that silent little twat sitting on the ground holding a dolls she says is named after Poofyhair.
SHE'S TALKIN', TOO!?!? damn.
The doll has a bloody heart and the little twat says some crap about a troubled soul.
Poofyhair asks a bunch of questions and the little twat talks about how boring the world would be if we were sure about everything.
Poofyhair leaves her there and goes inside.
To bed apparently.
Where she's still awake. She gets up to go to the window to check out Old Man Porkchops again.
He sees her and flicks her off.
Oh, wait....he's not flicking her off. He's telling her to come over.
(cheeky old buggar)
She gets her flashlight and burgles her way into the house next door (actually, she just walks through the front door).
She climbs the stairs and goes up to the attic.
Mr. Kline comes out to the hallway.
Poofyhair creeps on up to Old Man Porkchops and he tells her to leave the island.
She starts askin' more questions.
He starts laughing at her.
Turns out Mr. Kline is this old dude's GRANDfather. Can you believe that?
Apparently, over 300yrs ago they made a pact with the devil for immortality and the old dude from the beginning that got hit by lightning was June Cleaver's husband.
Guess he got tired of living.
She asks him what any of this has to do with her & Tim Matheson.
He thinks that's funny & says he fears for her.
(June Cleaver's got her eye on Tim Matheson for realz. COUGAR 4 LIFE!!)
Tim Matheson comes up to the attic and collects his crazy ass wife and drags her across the yard yelling at her about how she's gone crazy.
Poofyhair starts yelling back and threatens to leave.
June Cleaver pokes her nosey head out of the cottage and asks if everything's alright.
Tim Matheson goes back to bed & June Cleaver smiles and goes back inside.
Poofyhair goes down to the scary basement to play with that locked/nokeyhole door.
She finds the key. Its shaped like a crowbar.
She steps inside and makes this face:
Inside she sees an alter and all over the walls is handwritten, "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." and then she bumps her poofyhair on the lightbulb.
She finds a hallway and it leads to June Cleaver's room out in the cottage.
June Cleaver is sleeping soundly....OR IS SHE!!!???
She opens her eyes when Poofyhair closes the door.

Poofyhair goes back and gets Tim Matheson back outta bed and drags him down to the basement and the locked room and secret passage way to June Cleaver's room (as if he didn't already know about it....bowchickabowwow).
But when they get to the locked room, everything's gone - no writting, no alter, nothing.
He looks at her, sighs, rubs his head and goes back upstairs.

He makes crazy lady Poofyhair sleep outside on the patio.
Donald Duck walks up with that bloody doll the little twat had and rips it's head off.
Poofyhair looks at him confused (still).
Donald Duck throws the doll's body across the yard and walks away.
Then Tim Matheson walks out and Poofyhair gives him the silent treatment.
Then they start fighting again while Poofyhair's packing a suitcase.
She runs outta the house and down the dock and jumps onto the ferry that's already taking off.
The boat breaks down and a dingy takes her back to the island where she starts running again.
With those giant shoulder pads.
Man, you'd think they'd weigh her down.
She sees her boss man at that witch store beach house with the cave basement.
He tells her he's got a house there. That one not-so-silent little twat walks up and holds boss man's hand and he says that Mr. Kline is his brother.
(ALL OF THEM, WITCHES!!)
She runs away.

Back at home, Poofyhair finds her pentagram (=EVIL!!) book and reads through it...
About a sacrifice that happens by midnight of a full moon.
She realizes she and Tim Matheson are going to be sacrificed.
Her shoulderpads lift her off & she goes sailing over to the calendar where she sees its the full moon.
June Cleaver walks in with some fucking tea.
Poofyhair runs away and goes upstairs to get Tim Matheson, who's just getting outta the shower (high five!).
June Cleaver walks in with that fucking tea, hands it to Tim Matheson, then leaves.
Tim Matheson agrees to leave the island with Poofyhair and calms her down. Tells her to have some fucking tea & hands her the tray.
Dumbass Poofyhair sits down and goes to drink that fucking tea but then sees Tim Matheson's jersey (he's been wearing the entire movie) and realizes the witches are after him because of his name spelled backwards. (shrug....I don't know either).
Then she runs outta the house and gets Jeff Conaway's wife & they walk to the old church/beach graveyard where they run into Mrs. Kline and bossman.
Then June Cleaver appears and then so do all the other island people & they surround her and tell her there's no where to run.
They inject some shit in her arm with a giant syringe (to get past those giant shoulderpads), she looks at everyone a couple of times and falls asleep.

Now she's in bed & back in her red party dress and the phone's ringing.
She gets up, puts her party shoes on, and answers the phone.
She hears Woody Harrelson talking about his mother in the hospital.
After they hang up she walks downstairs.
June Cleaver is making MORE fucking tea.
Now she hears Rufus barking and goes down to the basement....and through that one room and into the cave where the post is with the metal buckets and Snaggletooth is standin' there playing with a crystal ball.
She runs through another cave and ends up in the Kline's attic where Old Man Porkchops is hangin' out except now he's dead with a giant knife stuck through him.
Someone screams and the islanders surround Poofyhair again.
She screams and wakes up in her own bed. She reaches over and puts a rosary on.
Goes to the phone. Its dead (just like Woody Harrelson).
She sneaks outta the house and runs away (again).
She runs to the witch store beach house (stupid) and uses the phone but June Cleaver's voice answers.
Tim Matheson comes in and pretends to care about her.
She threatens him with a knife and then they hug (again with the mixed signals).
He tells her his name is something else and that she has to die, raises knife, sees that she's wearing a rosary and stabs himself.
(WHAT THE HELL?!)
He tells her to run to the old church - that the witches can't touch her there (bad touch!! bad touch!!).
Down in the cave where the post/metal buckets are, the islanders have lit torches and black cloaks on. They're chanting.
Poofyhair slams & locks the door and the cloaks come running, one of them grabbing the ceremonial sword.
Poofyhair & Tim Matheson make their escape to the church through the beach graveyard.
They stumble inside, the cloaks not too far behind them holding their torches & swords.
Tim Matheson lays down on the floor again and whispers some shit about being free and then dies.
The cloaks with torches & swords get to the church and see Tim Matheson kneeling at a candle lit alter.
They enter & poke Tim Matheson with one of their swords & his lifeless body falls over.
The bell starts to strike midnight, they decide they've been trapped and head to the door....
that shuts in their face.
Trapped inside the church, they start to mumble.
Poofyhair is outside and breathing deeply & leaned up against the door.
Hands bust through and grab her - a dude with the sword about to stab her through the door.
Lightning strikes the church steeple and the church blows up.
Poofyhair rolls to safety & watches the church continue to blow up from the beach graveyard.

One page of end credits, fade to black....
OH WAIT!!
Poofyhair is in a row boat & its foggy.
Roll end credits.

And then I made a face like this:


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