Thursday, September 26, 2013

What I've Learned From The Summer of Karen

So I've been unemployed since July.
Most popular question I've been asked is "How's the Summer of Karen going?" followed up by "What are you doing with all of your time?"
Answers range from "Great" to "Anything I fuckin' want!!"
I think most recently, when Clint asked how it was going, my response was a giant all-teeth grin with a thumbs up.

Here are the top 10 things I've learned since being unemployed:

1. It's so easy to forget what day it is. You know how they have those day of the week floor mats in the elevators on cruise ships that change from day to day like the day of the week underpants? We need those. Or underpants. Thanks, Willie, for usually hitting me up on Hoops Day to remind me of where we are in the week.

2. I thought I'd be able to keep up with the cleaning more. It works when Matthew's on work trips. Not so much when he's home. But the fact remains; it's still my least favorite thing to do.

3. Resume writing and going through career services is an 8hr gig in and of itself.  And it usually makes me cranky. Selling myself & talking me up is weird. But I've learned that I'm professionally & soberly introverted but socially & drunkenly extroverted. Maybe I just need to write my resume while intoxicated with friends. It would be easier that way and would give me a good starting point to go back and clean up while sober.

4. Schedules and deadlines.  One of the first things I did was give myself a chore chart (I think that's ultimately my mother's fault. We knew it was summer when the mega weekly chore charts came out). I stick to it most weeks. I need to do up a schedule and deadlines for my Creative Department & Career Services areas. Not so good at those aspects. Plus, video games sneak in there unscheduled. Then there's the random pop-ups playing taxi, lunch dates, webinars, happy hours, etc that I just can't help. Those random pop-ups have always made sticking to a schedule difficult for me.
If I could turn what I want to accomplish in a day/week/month/year into an infographic....I bet that would help me focus on schedules and deadlines. I like charts and graphs.
I feel an experiment coming on.

5. Sleeping in is impossible. I feel obligated to wake up with Matthew and help with breakfast & coffee. Plus, the lawn maintenance dudes get going early every Thursday, and the trash guys every Tuesday and Friday, and Snoop's usually paw-patting my face or lickin' my nose because he's hungry. I can count on one hand how many late nights during the week I've had, so it really doesn't matter about sleeping in. That's what afternoon naps are for and those are heavenly.

6. If you have a Summer list of outside things to do - put that shit off 'til the weather gets cooler. I'd intended to clean up porches & decks and all kinds of outside projects, but between the heat and the flooding rains....fuck that noise.

7. Everyone thinks you're doing nothing with your time, so when they ask, ramble off all the things you are doing in one big long run-on sentence that makes them feel tired by the time you've hit the end of the list and are taking a breath.

8. There is almost nothing to bitch about anymore.  I think the only things I complain about are how many times in a week I have to vacuum or clean out the cats' shit box.  So, I go to Facebook just to see what you guys are bitching about. And to make sure I'm not missing any important Miley Cyrus***/gun control/national debt news.

9. My dream job would be to be paid to travel around the world and document adventures between my favorite video game releases while watching youtube videos or creating them based on whatever random thing I'm building at the moment. And they'd reimburse my banjo banjo CAMP tuition.  But now, thanks to Obama-care.....

10. The other night, I had a dream that I was in some big ol' Hogwarts lookin' school and was walking down a library corridor. It was dark with the smell* of musty books and we (there are always other people with me) were looking for ghosts. Suddenly, appearing in front of me was a porcelain doll faced girl, with her hair up & spiked out, all geisha-esque.....but she had the body of some fucked up caterpillar.** I reached out a hand toward her and was all "she ain't real..." and then that bitch bit the side of my hand with jagged little scary teeth. I jerked my hand away real quick....
Meanwhile, in real-life, while sleeping in our comfy bed, when I jerked my hand away from the caterpillar geisha ghost in my dream, I ended up accidentally swattin' Matthew in the balls.
This isn't really something I've learned....I just like giving treats to you at the end.
*I'm lyin' here. I can't smell things in dreams.
**From playing so much Saints Row 4 near the rifts, I'm positive.
***Have we established yet that she's only got the one photo pose??

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