The other day (Friday, I think), I was in the kitchen eating a messy plum over the trash can and started staring at the calendar for snack-time entertainment.
Here's what it sounded like in my head for that moment.
"It is blood. Look at the mess on the black cat's face. Clearly they're evil and are eyeballing me because I'm salty and they're waiting for me to not notice them so they can pounce and Matt will come home to find a half eaten me all over the floor and fat satisfied creepy ass cats with scary yellow eyes."