This Morning (in highlights) Before 10am

I roll over in bed with Snoop at my side and lazily open my eyes.
Matthew comes out of the bathroom and says, "you look pretty in that light."
I say, "you should take a picture so you can remember it for the rest of your life."
He leans over to kiss me and says, "I've taken a mental note."

I say, "Let's go swimming!!"
Then I say, "Let's have pancakes!!"
He says, "There's a lot goin' on there..."
I say, "Always."

I put my swimsuit on and pick up the painted horse head mask.
I go downstairs & put the horse head mask on and stand outside the bathroom door.
Matthew comes out and sees me standing there and does not appear alarmed in any way.
Scare failure.

I dance in the kitchen & we talk about Epcot.
He tells me to keep dancing.
I stop and tell him he can't tell me what to do.
He starts dancing in the kitchen.
Dance monkey win.

I show him that if I place my hands on either side of the bottom half of my racerback swimsuit & push down, it's an easy moon.
He makes a noise of agreement and upon seeing the following wedgie I give myself, says that I look like an olympian.
I give myself a wedgie again and look in the mirror.

I say, "I'm in a weird silly mood..." and start thinkin' about a movie I saw yesterday.
The Last Word.
Ray Romano's in it and one of his character's stress therapy/issue management outlets is to hang out in the park and wait for a mother & child.  He walks up behind them and makes a scary face at the baby, without the mother knowing, so that the baby starts crying.
I tell Matt about the flick and describe this whole scene.
I tell him that the reason I'm telling him all of this is because I'm thinkin' about scaring babies at Epcot today.
He's very supportive.

He comes upstairs to tell me he's leaving for the gym.
I give him departure kisses and start fidgeting with my swimsuit again.
I pick up my boobs because they're being smashed flat in the sporty suit.
I start moving them around underneath the suit fabric and say, "It's a puppet show" and laugh at myself.
He laughs and says, "You're so weird." and goes downstairs.

Monkey Farter

Happy Youtubesday!
Here are some recent favorites if you missed when I posted them recently.

Movie Monday - Ben Hur

So, I'm in a movie group on facebook and we're going through and watching reviewing AFI's Top 100 Films list.
I wrote my actual review here, but also wrote while I was watching it.  Here's that nonsense:

BEN HUR - as I watched it

So appropriate that I’m watching this on Easter Sunday.

I have to remember to quiet my head and pay attention to the movie because I have all of these side thought streams going on surrounding the topic of Jesus this week.

Is that guy’s name really “Sextus”?  awesome.

Judah and Tribune giggle like little girls upon reuniting.

They throw spears and Tribune celebratingly says “Still close...”

Judah says, “...in every way.”

Tribune: “I hope so.”

I didn’t realize it was gonna be one of those kinds of movies.

That was a pretty longing glance Tribune just gave Judah.

It must be the snazzy belt Judah’s wearing.

And Judah gives him a horse!!??

And then they squabble about war, violence, and betrayal.

Tribune says, “You’re either for me or against me.”

Where’ve I heard that before?

There’s a camel trying to steal the scene.

Judah is totally comin’ on to this slave girl he just gave his blessing to marry some other dude.

She really needs to go eat a sammich.

Now he’s wearing a slave ring.

This movie’s kinky.

And now he’s kissin’ on her after he just got done saying how he’d kiss her if she wasn’t already a bride.

Mixed signals much?

And now Judah’s gettin’ busted for roof tiles falling off and scaring the Governor’s horse, throwing him.  The tiles didn’t actually strike anything.

Now Judah's on the run and is really good at hiding in shadows.  Like a lanky ninja!

And he's held up the Tribune with a spear for containing his mother & sister.

Does Tribune have a white t-shirt on under his roman quilt vest?

Looks like it.  Were Hanes around back then?

Weeeeeee!!  Rolling down a sand dune!  That looked like fun.

One of these things is not like the other….

Judah is at least a head taller than any other man in the water scene.

Except the Roman.

And Jesus

Well played, Hollywood.

YAY JESUS stared down the Roman!!

He totally won that water battle with just his looks!

How'd you like to be the guy that hammers the beat for the boat rowing slaves?

I…don't wanna work…I just wanna bang on the drums all day.

That song was written for that guy.

These guys are getting a great workout.

Look, see?  Judah is way hotter than he was before.  The beard totally works.

Loincloths rule.

Does anyone know if there was a "Ben Hur workout" the way there was a "300 workout"?

#41 has a nice ring to it.

I feel like I'm watching Les Mis again.

I'd kinda like it if they broke into song.

Did Roman ever sweep things with the brushes on their helmets?

What were those about?  Is it a horse's mane thing?

This was before white folks ever knew about Mohawk Indians, so its not like it could be related….unless it was an early human/tribe thing, maybe?

YAY!!  The battleships scene just made me happy cuz they filmed it using minis!!  Miniatures rule.

The idiot slaves just yelled "We're going to be rammed" and they all stopped rowing.

Wouldn't you wanna row a lot harder???

And of course Judah saves the day because of his brute strength gained from his slave rowing workout.

He's a good spear chucker, too.

And saves the Roman Consul.

Aw, now its like the end of Titanic, except they're both on the makeshift raft.

and fighting.  Unfairly - NO BITING!!  damn Romans.

They get saved by some Romans & Judah gets to drink some water.

I bet it doesn't taste as good as Jesus water.

YAY A PARADE!!

I wonder if one of those Arabian horses is the same we saw earlier.  The one that Judah gave to Tribune.

Emperor just opened his mouth & made it look like it was supposed to be a smile.

And now there's a Coming To America tribal dance scene.

Judah's sitting next to a lady that looks like Meg from Disney's Hercules.

THAT is a freakin' party.

Judah should've kept the beard.

Consul adopts Judah (renamed some Roman name) as his son and introduces him to Pontius Pilot. (always thought that was a cool name)

Judah goes back home, gets greedy with some water, and takes a nap under a tree and then gets interrupted by a Moses looking' fellow who is looking for his son.

They watch some chariot race training and if this were an 80s movie, I'd feel a montage coming on.

This movie is 3hrs long, so I doubt there are any.

Burping is polite.

I would've fit in great back then.

And one wife isn't generous enough.

Sheik thinks his horses are his children.  He must be a Dothraki.

I would've liked to see the Horses sing "So Long Farewell…" from Sound of Music when they said goodnight.

Judah finds the girl he was kissing' on an hour ago.  Her name is Esther.

Esther still needs to eat a sammich.

She doesn't know where Judah's mother & sister are either.

Neither does her father.

Judah & Esther reminisce about the last time they kiss and then kiss again.

They discuss love and war or something.

Tribune's crackin' his whip with a boyfriend near his bathtub.

Kinky.

Tribune's name is Miss Sala?

Tribune sounds better, but we'll go with it.

He doesn't know where Judah's mother and sister are either.

Judah threatens Miss Sala & leaves.

Miss Sala the Tribune tells his boyfriend to go find Mother & Siter.

They go to fetch them from the jail but discover Mother & Sister have been forgotten about in the depths of the dungeons..

They're shocked with what they find.

Mother & Sister are apparently released and they find Esther and tell her that they're lepers.

They make Esther promise that she's never to tell Judah about seeing them.

BUT HE'S BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU TWO FOR THE PAST HOUR & A HALF!!

They leave and Esther tells them to wait only once.

Then she cries again & goes to tell Judah she did see them but that they were dead in the prison.  She tries to tell him his search is over and his feud with Miss Sala is over.

He leaves to go cry and then stomps off with angry purpose.

INTERMISSION!!  Present day movies should bring back the intermission, imho.

It would make going to see a 3hr movie a little easier & concession stands would make more money, I bet.

When we get back from Intermission, we're in a bathhouse scene.

YEAH!! :)

Sheik interrupts the spa skin slapping and oiling up and throws down a chariot challenge & takes everyone's bets.

Miss Sala accepts the challenge and the chariot race is on!!

Judah talks to horses and goes to the race to kick Miss Sala's ass.

He dresses in a lovely shade of blue, prays for forgiveness and gets a jew star from Sheik.

Miss Sala is wearing black.  Cuz black = bad guy.

He's got some rad axle spikes on his ride.

The crowd cheers, the band plays. THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER THAN THE KENTUCKY DERBY!

Wait….no….they're just parading around at a slow pace…..for at least 5 mins.

I just said out loud…."Fucking race already."

The horses get scrappy cuz they're fucking ready to race already, too.

2.5hrs in and I'm so done with this flick really.

The Judea section wins the crowd cheer award.

And they're freaking OFF….finally.

Some of the scenes are sped up and look funny.

The cinematography is swell and the camera shake is effective in making you feel like you're in the middle of the action.

At some point Judah loses his pretty blue sheet.  I missed that.

The sped up action looks REALLY funny.

Distractingly so.  It reminds me of old silent movie action.

Judah gets thrown - that looked wicked.  Nice job on that stunt.

Miss Sala starts whipping Judah.  That's some bullshit.

The chariot spikes backfire on Miss Sala and his chariot breaks and he gets dragged & trampled a long way before finally letting go of the reigns.

Now skinless, he gets carried off the field and everyone cheers.

Judah gets a leaf crown and everyone cheers again.

Tribune Miss Sala waits for Judah to show up beside his deathbed.

When Judah gets there he takes off his leaf crown and asks where his Mother & Sister are.

Miss Sala says, "the race is not over" and then dies.

Judah pries himself from Miss Sala's not quite yet cold, dead hand and leaves without his leaf crown.

Wasn't that the only trophy though?

Judah goes and find some dudes feeding people in a pit.

Oh!  Its a leper colony.

Esther shows up and it looks like she's going to have a picnic.

Judah gets mad at Esther for telling him that they were dead.

She tells him it was what they wanted.

Judah sees Mother & Sister and hides behind a rock.

Esther knocks some sense into Judah and they walk off and find a gathering of people on a hill.

YAY JESUS!!

Judah decides to not go listen to Jesus on the hill and leaves because he has business in Rome.

Esther goes to the hill.

Jesus looks like a badass.  (I really dig that we never see his face.  Just his lovely locks.)

Judah goes to Rome and confronts Cesar.

He gives back the ring the Consul gave him during his adoption ceremony.

He goes home to see Esther & they talk about love & peace.

And Jesus.

And blood.

Then Judah puts the moves on her against the wall & retracts abruptly.

Esther tells him he's become Miss Sala, that she's lost him & leaves.

Meanwhile, back at the Leper Colony…

(is this movie over yet?….oh, just hit the 3hr mark?)

Esther goes to visit Mother & Sister and tells them about Jesus.

Sister can't go because she's dying.

Judah shows up and Mother gets pissed.

Esther says she's going to take Mother & Sister to Jesus.

Judah goes to find his sister and Esther & Mother go to find Jesus…..literally…..really.

Judah finds his sister & picks up her tiny little body that looks like a puppet.

When they get back to Judea, the streets are empty except for some rock throwers that freak out about seeing lepers.

Jesus is on trial and we still don't see his face.

Judah recognizes Jesus from that water day.

Judah gets Jesus some water.  The water gets kicked out of Judah's hand.

And he didn't stare down the Roman that did it the way he should've.

Jesus & the two other criminals are crucifed and Judah gets sad.

A storm whips up and the women are in a cave.

It starts raining and it flashes to Jesus on the cross.

Back in the cave, Mother & Sister aren't lepers anymore.

The next day, Judah walks through the mud.

He greets Esther with a Jesus quote & sees Mother & Sister are well and healed.

He cries & rubs their faces.

They live happily ever after.

HALLELUJAH!!! THIS MOVIE'S OVER!!

The Chola Shoooooot

So, we were up visiting Martha for her birthday this past weekend.  You remember her, right?

Jessica, Casey, & Matthew were in attendance & we had an awesome time hangin' out with the family, chillin' and catchin' up and stuff.
On our last night in town and after a few glasses of wine (water for Martha), we combined forces to create a somewhat impromptu chola makeover and photo shoot.
Here's what you get when you mix a youtube addict with a make-up hoarder and hot moms.

Casey will cut you.

 Karen will cut you.

 Jessica will cut you.

 Martha will cut you.

And then 3 out of 4 of us will stick our tongues out.

Here are the vids that inspired us:

The Week Without Snoop -or- Another Zombie Pet

It was a beautiful St. Patrick's Day Sunday.
We'd been cleaning the house and had all the doors and windows open.

At about 4pm, I came downstairs for something and stuck my head out the door to see Snoop sitting under the shrubs out front, lookin' like a peaceful little orange badass.  He questioned my glance and started to get up.  I told him it was ok, he could stay right there because I was still vacuuming.
He settled back in, enjoying his spot & looking very content.

I didn't see him for the rest of the night and kept checking the spots he likes to chill in by the front door.
We left the back door open for him.
The next morning I checked his usual spots again & called to him & made a few, "Hey, Matt! Where's my cat? Where's he at? Do you know where my cat's at, Matt?" jokes.
Usually, when he stays out overnight, he's slumber partying with our neighbors next door, but I'd heard that they'd just gotten new kittens, so I wasn't sure if Snoop would've been too down for a kitten slumber party.
I did a lap around the building later in the morning, looking under the shrubs and bushes and on porches.  That afternoon, our other neighbor Nancy, saw me walking around and asked out of her window, "Karen - you can't find Snoop?"  Apparently, I'd let it show.
I shook my head and she said, "Hold on, I'll come help you look for him."
She offered to go check in the slumber party house since she had a key - no Snoop in there.
That's when I started to kinda freak out a little inside.  Him being there was my safe bet.
We wandered all over the place - down by the lake, behind other buildings and on the other side of the tennis courts and pool.  Other neighbors were outside and we asked them if they'd seen him....they helped give us a timeline.
Jenny said that they'd been happy houring on her back patio about about 4:30ish when an orange cat came walkin' up and hung out with them gettin' all sorts of attention.  She's met Snoop before & sent us this picture a while back upon their first meeting at her house:

She began telling us about how awesome Snoop is (duh) saying, "You know, I've never met a cat quite like that one.  He was just hangin' out with us and followed us down to the lake. He's definitely got some human in him."
"Well, did he follow you back from the lake?"
She couldn't remember seeing him after he wandered around the side of one of the buildings down by the lake.
Another neighbor said he spotted an orange cat just wandering around the parking lot & didn't think anything of it.
No one had seen him since.
When Matt came home, we did another lap around the area where he was last seen.

By now, I'm thinking the worst.  That my boy has wandered off to die somewhere.
It rains that night and I think about him out in it.

The next morning, I check all the spots again.  I tell Bonnie about it & she makes a bunch of phone calls to other neighbors, spreading the word.
I do another couple of laps around the hood.
I make signs and post them up at the gate and on a few mailboxes towards the front incase he's made his way up that way.

Still no Snoop.
I am sad.

The following day, I'm wakened before sunrise by the doorbell ringing twice, slightly frantically.  Nancy's daughter, Noelle, saying she just saw an orange cat but that it took off.  But then she says, "Oh, I bet that was Turk, wasn't it?"  Turk's our other orange cat who does cat things when it's dark out - mainly sleeping on top of my car & attacking small critters. We determine that it was Turk and she apologizes and leaves.
Then I check all the same Snoop spots again throughout the day.
Someone calls and asks if I've found him, telling me that he saw an orange cat (also has one himself) walking up the street like he had no where to be, but that he had a darker belly.  I tell him that Snoop's got a lighter belly cuz he's older.
Then I go driving up the way he told me he'd seen this cat.
I see no cat.
I am sad.

The following morning, I start to feel acceptance.  Everyone's either asking or telling me about every orange cat in the neighborhood. The signs I made are still up, but it's rained a few times so they've either been rained out or are gone.  I make new ones and put them up.
I see Bonnie later in the day and she runs up to tell me she just saw an orange cat and that she'll drive me to him.  We find him and at first I get my hopes up and I walk up slow and I'm all....."is it him?" with squinty eyes as if that'll help me see him better (why do people do that? you end up putting your eyelashes in view and your eyes can't focus on that and it makes everything even blurrier.  squinting doesn't help a damn thing except to keep the sun outta your eyes if you don't have sunglasses and it makes Timothy Olyphant sexier in Justified - if that's even possible).
My heart skips and then I realize it isn't him and the cat starts to run from me.
Nope...definitely not Snoop.
I get sad again.

On the 5th, 6th, & 7th days, I make myself busy and start cleaning out Snoop things - accepting that I'll probably not see him again & will never really know why.  Me, Matt, & Turk are starting to adjust to life without Snoop.

Later on the day on the 8th day, I get a phone call from Matt saying that neighbor Nancy has just called him with some news and that she tried knocking but I was listening to loud music and didn't hear.
I go outside and she flags me down and says, "Karen...this is Steve.  Steve, Karen.  Steve just might have Snoop."
So I follow Steve to his place....in the building by the lake - that we circled I don't know how many times.  The whole time he's telling me how awesome Snoop is. (duh)
He lets me in, we find Snoop comfy and sleepin' in bed....like "what?"
I say, "It IS Snoop!!" and Snoop gets up and comes towards me and follows me downstairs to Steve's kitchen....where the food is.
Snoop eats and his humans discuss the vet bill that's spread out on the table.
Steve is shaking and freaked out & tells me he just lost his cat of 18yrs and thought that Snoop, he'd renamed Mojo, was a stray to take in and make him feel better, so he took him to the vet to get checked out.  He gives me the run down on the meds.  None of it serious but then he tells me they wanted to do a biopsy on the roof of Snoop's mouth by his snaggletooth.
I think I'll get a 2nd opinion.  The dude is 16yrs old & perfectly happy with his snaggletooth.
I pick Snoop up and he loves on my nose with said snaggletooth.
We chat about cat sitting and I offer to leave Snoop with him for the rest of the afternoon, if it'll make him feel better.  He shrugs.
I collect everything, thank Steve profusely, & Snoop follows me out.
Steve says, "Oh...also, he's negative for feline AIDS & Leukemia.  So that's good."
I say, "Cool. Just like last time."
We stop and visit the neighbors that helped me look for him.  He gets lots of attention on the walk back home.

Then Matt gets home and welcomes Snoop back - we try to give him some love, but he wasn't havin' it.
And instead goes to sleep in a laundry pile.  I wonder if he was happier with Steve & mad at me for finding him. Turk walks by and hisses at him.
With Snoop being gone for a week & us adjusting to it, we now had to readjust that adjustment.
It was like Snoop was back from the dead.

It didn't take too long.
The next morning I woke up with Snoop in his spot up around my head and Turk curled up by my hip.
And every morning since then, I wake up & Snoop is up by my head.

The following day I gave Steve a Thank You card with money for the vet bill.

Yesterday I received the order for the custom made collars that have the boys' names and my phone number on them.

The End.

My Whole30 Experience

I write this on my 30th day of this program.
You see that?  NO ALCOHOL!!
For those of you that know us, that's the biggest challenge on this thing.
Matthew & I do enjoy our beer & shots & gettin' loud and rowdy.
It took going through the first week before I stopped listening for the sound of the shot glasses clinging together from the cabinet to the counter followed by the freezer door opening whenever Matthew got home.
That was our routine....from Thursday (the new Friday) night and we'd finish the bottle on Sunday.
Along with the beer or whatever we'd be drinkin' when we go out on weekends.  And Weds nights were usually spent at the Enzian with beer & a couple shots (y'know, to help with digestion).
At the very least, 5 days of professional drinking.

On behalf of my liver, I needed a break.
So, when Martha posted this link for Whole30 on facebook, I was saw it as a sign & perfect timing.
In this, I also needed Matt's help & knew both of us would benefit from it.
We'd both set and completely failed to meet a goal for March 2nd, so, like I said, the timing was perfect.

Matthew was not a fan of this Whole30 thing.  We actually got into a disagreement about it when I first pitched it - his knee-jerk reaction was to call it a Nazi Diet and he'd said how "not fun" it looked.
Mainly because of the No Alcohol thing.
Matthew's also a huge fan of chips and breads & peanut m&m's.
But since I gave going paleo a whirl almost a year ago, we'd already been cooking/eating well at home and really only needed to make & stick to a few adjustments.
1. No alcohol.
2. Going out to eat less.
3. Less snackin' on sugar & starchy carbs
Matthew finally warmed up to the idea of going through this and then...about a week into it, had to leave on a work trip to South by Southwest.
I knew that was going to be tough for him.  His favorite travel snack is, of course, peanut m&ms and there are such great bars and he'd be with colleagues, etc.
But we packed him up with a buncha cashews & pistachios and he loaded up on some Whole Foods once he got there and stayed strong when going out with the fellas.
Incredibly proud of him since he didn't really wanna do it to begin with.

Also, about a week in, he started thanking me for getting us to change things up.

The first thing I noticed right off the bat was that sleeping was AWESOME!!
I sleep so freakin' good now, it's insane.
The only time I do wake up is to pee because of the water I drink during the day.
Before, I'd wake up at least once and not be able to go back to sleep for 30mins to an hour.
After only a few days, I was sleeping through the whole night and so deeply, I wouldn't hear Matt get up for the gym at all.  And getting out of bed was way easier because I was actually well rested.

My head started to clear, too....which was one of the reasons for how poorly I'd been sleeping before.
I'd start thinkin' about shit and my head just wouldn't shut up.
Or I'd get overwhelmed by my thoughts throughout the day, have too much going on at once, totally disheveled and disorganized.
It was kinda funny to notice that the more my head started to clear, the more I also started to unclutter my surroundings.
My Lair is cleaned up and more organized.
The kitchen, too.
Next to tackle...the closets.
I attribute some of these feelings to Spring as well, since it is spring cleaning season.

I must confess I broke the last rule and weighed myself periodically.  Matt, too.
He said he's lost about 25lbs since we started.
I've lost about 16lbs.
Matt's still hitting the gym.
I haven't at all.  Maybe a walk in the neighborhood here and there, but no new routine at all.
I wanted to focus solely on the food changes before tackling the physical exertion that can mess with what you consume (duh, working out makes you eat more, let me find my base again first).

With that, we both also noticed that our stinky b.o. had changed.  It was far less funky when Matthew came home from the gym.  He doesn't smell like the varsity football locker room anymore & doesn't bitch about how all of his gym clothes stink as soon as he puts'em on after they've been through the laundry.
And my pits don't smell like onions anymore if I miss a day of deodorant (don't judge me, I work from home).

OH!! One thing I feel the need to mention, for you ladies (good for you guys to pay attention to, too, if you know what's good for ya)....I had no cramps at all this month.  Mood swings were minimal (Matt wasn't around either, so that might've had somethin' to do with it - HA!!) and I didn't break out as much or feel like I needed to wear sweat pants for a week.  It came and went with no fanfare or smashing of things.  Was great!!

I didn't have any cravings at all, until this past weekend.  The weather was nice and we were at an old Mt. Dora joint where eating a sammich and drinkin' a beer woulda been heavenly.  And then afterwards, we walked through a Fresh Market and the smells in there were driving me batty.
I even went by the bakery just to fuck with myself.  But I stayed strong and the feelings subsided as soon as we got home.  We'd even put down some shredded coconut & skipped the coffee because there were artificial things in each.
I see it as an accomplishment - to not be tempted or have cravings until day 26?  That's pretty good.

And speakin' of coconut...I have seen heaven and it is made of coconut oil.
Anyone who doesn't like coconuts....I feel kinda bad for you because you really are missing out.
Maybe we can talk about coconut oil later.  It deserves its own blog.

We'll still continue to eat Whole30 at home and will make better choices when we're out, but we do have plans to go to Enzian tomorrow night and I would like a large Left Hand Milk Stout, please & thank you.
I'll give you a review on how I feel the following day because I'm sure I'll feel like shit & that'll be an interesting experiment in and of itself.
But I'd really like a stout.