Me & Jesus

You haven't asked (no one ever does) what my thoughts are on Jesus.
The Man, the Myth, the Legend....

I grew up Methodist. Which usually meant, for me, sherbert soda punch, passing notes in the balcony, zany Pastor Bill after a Mr. Rogers-like Rev. Trembly, youth group scandals, getting in trouble while being the acolyte, puppet shows at nursing homes and schools, and killer acoustics in the outside hallway that had a wrought iron gate where I used to sing Madonna's "Like A Prayer".
I also learned how to play pool there.
My mom taught Sunday school when I was in middle school and gave us the low down on all the scary shit in Leviticus and how the disciples were brutally murdered.
Cuz that's how we roll.
There were buttons in the Grand Poobah's pulpit to control the lighting in the sanctuary.
The bell choir was amazing and my favorite at Christmas time.
Church was beautiful at Christmas time. All the candles and outdoor singing of Silent Night.
Potlucks and bazaars.
I remember one church bazaar where there was an entire table of books. I rummaged through and found a Frankenstein book. On one of the illustrations, someone had drawn a giant penis on Frankenstein.
I asked mom if I could have that book and it ended up coming home with us.
To this day, I swear it was an old book of Pannacake's & she'd been the penis drawer.
Seemed that my father was only in attendance for potlucks.  And maybe some of the church holidays. Otherwise he was left home while my brother and I were forced away from the tv and into stuffy uncomfortable clothes to go hang out with friends and old people for hours.

Youth group was fun. After the scandal, we'd had a few folks leading up the program. We went tubing down the Ichetucknee, and on a Blue Ridge Mountains camping trip that included horsebackin' and white water rafting. We went skiing in the Appalachians. We did car washes and BBQs and spaghetti dinners for fund raisers...
I was 14 and remember asking Zany Pastor Bill why we were supposed to take this story book called The Bible and see it as an historical account of the beginning of people.
"If it was just Adam & Eve, and Cain killed Abel, how was the earth populated? Cuz that's just  gross..."
"How do we go from death to rising from the dead without thinkin' zombies and has no one ever considered it may have just been grave robbers?"
I received a lecture in faith and belief.
Faith and belief were far greater than noticing & pointing out the obvious.

Shortly after my questioning of things, a married couple came in to lead up the youth group and gave us the whole "MTv is the devil and secular music is baaaaaaad..." song & dance.

Mentally, I'd rebelled and started liking darker music, but only after going through a Newsboys/Steven Taylor/Carmen phase. Hey, I'll try anything once.

As an adult, I don't attend church (seeing some of the politics and behind the scenes business aspect of churches while growing up can be thanked for that). I've always disliked organized religion & view it as a safe haven for those not practicing what they preach. Or for those who have no idea how to forgive themselves for mistakes they've made.

There's also an amazing amount of community assistance from churches - so, I'm aware that it's not all bad & my views are somewhat cynical.

On the whole, I find theology/spirituality to be an absolutely fascinating topic of discussion. It's mainly just the church thing that bugs me.

When I was a kid, I remember saying, "Jesus spoke outside. Why are we cooped up in these ridiculously expensive ornamental buildings?"

My first trip to NYC and into St. Patrick's and I was disgusted with the gift shop in the back of the sanctuary. Didn't Jesus drive out the money changers from the temple?

I do not believe Jesus is my savior. 

I do believe that he was a man. And more than likely a surfer, since he walked on water.
He was probably a great story-teller, a bit of a rabble rouser, and may or may not have been a shitty carpenter.

I believe that if most of you met him today, you'd think he was a damn dirty hippie & probably not give him a 2nd look.

I believe that I am solely responsible for my rights and wrongs & hold myself accountable for keeping them balanced and in check.

And I believe that the majority of us are good people just trying to do the best we can, the best we know how.

That One Time I Was In The Jury Pool For The Zimmerman Trial Pt. 2

Here's what I wrote on days 2, 3, & 4 of my jury selection pool stint.
I also did a lot of reading.

6.13.13
Jury Pool room again. At the end of the first day, the judge & lawyers came back in and told some of us that we were excused and the rest had to come in on Thursday. I don't feel like I'll get picked for this. Everyone is excited for me and a few have mentioned getting book deals out of it. I think they're getting a little ahead of themselves. There are some folks in here from Tuesday. Guess where they're sitting? Yep, same spots. The Talkative Pair are back at it. There's a fella behind me that has a boisterous voice and another they referred to as "Chicken Man". I moved to a comfy corner but the sun is shining through the blinds and glaring my ipad. The Talkative Pair are eerily quiet this a.m. I wonder if they ran out of things to talk about. Kinda nice. Will probably change later in the day.
Probably about 100 people in here today and they took about 11 folks up 20mins ago. They were E people. Matt told me they were live streaming the jury selection. So now it makes more sense why I saw comments and juror #s mentioned in an article I read on Monday.
There's an annoying kid who talks too much cuz he thinks he's funny. I'd give him a funny ratio of 1:5. He said one thing that I laughed at for the 5 jokes me made that he laughed at. He's a 1st timer, too. A few in here. Oh! The judge, last night, said, "ORIENTATED". FL's finest. I also just heard, "I like movies. I watch them all the time." Oh, really? You don't say?

6.14.13
They dismissed us yesterday shortly after we came back from lunch. And so here I sit again on my own. Been such a weird week, but in a good way.
They wheeled some older gent (I believe he was in the E group) off on a stretcher. Paramedics had him in the refreshments room. I didn't even see when I came in. He went out red-faced and smiling so at least he's OK. They were making "way to get out of jury duty" jokes and something about blaming it on the coffee machine. The groups they just took, 2 groups of 12, were mostly women. I think one or 2 gents in each. There are about 30 folks left in here now. Most of the annoying people are gone. No Talkative Pair, no Kid Who Thinks He's Funny, no Sleeping Mouth Breathing Teen. It's very quiet in here today. The Chicken Man is here but not his radio voiced buddy. The older black gent that came in on Tuesday in a fly ass suit is looking more casual today.
The sun is shining through the window and blinds and casting a shadow that looks like a cross. I bet that's on purpose. As soon as I wrote that, a cloud made the cross shadow disappear.
And now it's back.

6.17.13

4th day in this room.

They got pretty clandestine on Friday. Taking us down long hallways and up/down elevators and dodging common areas. We went into the courtroom & they checked us out again and told us to come back on Monday. Friday was a freakin' short day. We were in and out in 2hrs. Today's been more waiting. There are about 40 people in here. One jury got picked for a different trial going on and they dismissed everyone else. I still don't think I'll get picked. Doesn't feel like it. Feels like we're the emergency backup crew in case the people they've chosen fuck it up. My handwriting is weird today. Keeps changing sizes.

More people were just dismissed.

I'm still here.

It's gotten cold in here with no bodies to radiate heat.

The deputies were just arguing about who was going to make coffee in the morning. Cute. Now they're weighing the differences between men & women.

Long day to be waiting with no sign of anything.

Got a lot of reading done.

-------------------------------------

And that was it.

The following couple of days, I was instructed to be on 'standby' and call every evening after 6pm for instructions. Those instructions excused me on the 2nd day of standby.

So, I thought I'd share my oh-so-riveting experience of how I almost got picked for a high profile local trial.

The End.

That One Time I Was In The Jury Pool For The Zimmerman Trial Pt. 1

Last night, the courthouse voice mail told me that I was excused from jury doodie.

They've selected 6 female jurors.

I kept counting out 12 and they only needed 6.

How about that?

Learned somethin' new.

Let's rewind to the day I received the summons.

The familiar red inked bifold envelope with my letter number and reporting date.

I'd joked with Matthew saying, "Ooooooo! I wonder if I'll get the Trayvon Martin case!!"

The week before my June 10th reporting date, Kayla posted an article about the trial and how there were crowds expected and a media circus, blah blah blah.

The date the jury selection started?  June 10th.

I'd called the Friday before the Monday reporting date and the message told my letter group to report on Tuesday.

So, I thought I was in the clear.

Here's what I wrote on Tuesday while I was waiting around in the assembly room:

6.11.13

George Z trial jury selection. I answered the questionnaire. Maybe included some detail they would ask about. Re: no cable news, etc. Now I'm drinking black coffee & sitting on the floor.  I find it funny that when, in a room full of random strangers, there are those people that immediately start chatting each other up.  People want to share things. With or without the internet. The quiet rumble of small talk & mumblings of details. No one has chatted me up yet. I am the quiet observer.

My juror # is I68. Before we filled out the questionnaire, George Z and the lawyers came in to check us out. One dude looked to be counting-bobbing his head down each row...silently doing the math. They said this could last anywhere from 4-6 weeks. I might also be dismissed. Kind of exciting once I got here. News trucks and a camp set up for media outside. Looks like they'll be here for 4-6 weeks, too. I bet they're hoping for a riot when the judgement comes down.  I bet my lack of news watching or cable at home makes me appealing.

One of the deputies in here just told another that she ate her avocado and was "good to go".  The Seminole County deputies are some strong and able looking women. Makes me curious to know their stories.

There's a kid - can't be a week over 18. He's sitting bent over in his chair sleeping on his knees. He's shaped like the number 4. I wonder what he thinks of this. I guess the fact that he's sleeping kinda gives that away. Now he's gone to the floor in the corner to continue his nap.

Meanwhile, I just had a cool idea for a story. A jury duty serial killer. Would make interesting commentary on how we're just numbers and quick to give up details to random strangers. Maybe. Or it's a stupid idea since it's in a courthouse. Also makes me daydream about if there are courthouse bathroom hookups. Like the airport hookup from 6ft Under.
Yes, it all really does come down to sex & violence.

The first judge that came in to qualify us was the same judge McIntosh that precided over the 1st jury duty summons I was selected for. Pretty good chances for this one but they have a big pool to choose from.
I like the bitchy people who don't wanna be here. The ones that have 4 kids 5 jobs & no spouse. The ones who don't care what any one else is going through cuz it couldn't possibly be worse than their situation. "I'm too distracted to be here..." It's not like the jury summons snuck up on you. There's a 3 or 4 week notice at least. There were a few folks that had people in the hospital and one guy that was leaving for honeymoon tomorrow. They got excused. The one lady who was "too distracted" pulled some 'tude early in her explanation. I'd keep her here just for that. Twat.

Shitty coffee tastes better black.

The sleeping kid is a mouth breather.

And a farter.

3hrs so far of just waiting. It was so exciting earlier. Some of that has died down. I wonder what the people who didn't bring a diversion & aren't talking to people are thinking about. How to get away with jury pool room murder, I bet. Or bathroom hookups. Just to sit and stare, seemingly comfortably, for hours on end. Those are the folks to worry about. What's going on in that noggin? 

I did a quick counting like the one head-bobbing lawyer dude did & estimated close to 150 people in here. We broke for lunch. They gave us an hour but I figured by the time I got out of the parking lot, found food I can eat & got back, I'd only really have a half an hour, if that. People brought in fried stuff & wings & it smells good. I ended up snagging a better parking spot & came back in. So I could sit around and wait some more. And eat my nut sack.

The vending machine was sold out of delicious Aquafina water, but gave me $2.10 after I pressed the button to return the $2 put in. Pretty good ROI on a soda machine, but I'm still thirsty.

Trayvon supporters are out front with signs & sitting in the shade. I wonder what they're thinking about today. I bet they're thirsty, too. I was going to take of picture of the folks out there but thought better of it.

GAWDAMN the skinny girl next to me is eating fried empanadas and they smell like awesome grease. I bet she'll purge afterwards. Skinny girls don't eat like that. 

I'd like to conduct a study that tracks people's seating habits. We all left the room and came back to sit in the same spots we left earlier. It's not like we have assigned seats or anything.

My feet keep falling asleep cuz of the way I'm sitting. My luck, they'll call me & I'll stand up and immediately fall down cuz my feet will be napping. Disinterested feet, much like the Sleepy Mouth Breathing Teen.

I hope something happens during this half of the day. I may have to come back tomorrow. They've been calling B#s and there have been about 5 or 6 BINGO jokes. Also of note, some of the B#s were in a different courtroom.  So that makes sense as to why we were called in today. I wonder if the people they're looking for have skipped out after lunch.
I'd also like to conduct a study on why people always look at their finger after scratching an ear itch. Pretty sure it's an involuntary movement at this point in our evolution.

Now I'm sitting here thinking about how seriously quiet it must be in the courtroom upstairs and how talkative and lighthearted it is down here in the pool room. There's occasional laughter. Probably not too much of that happening upstairs. How drastic the difference in atmosphere is depending on which room of the building you're sitting in.

I am that girl that talks to herself while playing games on her phone.

I'm not the talkative pair infront of me that have been chatting since we came in this a.m. First it was college friends, now it's gym training at LA Fitness & 5ks. Yuppie convo nightmare.

It's raining.

Oh, I forgot to mention, about 20 mins ago they dismissed the 1st round of folks. I'm still here.

I bet I'll have to come back tomorrow.

Someone just leaned against the emergency door and set the alarm off.

This concludes this afternoon's excitement.

This guy over here in the talkative pair will not shut the fuck up. He's seriously been talking nonstop for 2+hrs. To the point where he finally cracked open his lunch time water.

I'm gonna move over to the other side of the room..... oh wait.  he just got up and walked away!

His chat partner looks slightly relieved. I bet her ears are sore.

It's sorta comforting to know that the deputies they have in here are just as bored & tired of waiting as we are. The jury officer just went upstairs with all of our summons papers. Hopefully some news will follow shortly.

The later it gets, the louder everyone in here gets. Almost 8 straight hours of just sitting around waiting. What does that do to people? Makes them louder.